By Golly I had a dream and other things....

I swear the last couple of days I have been having dreams but they aren't really meaniful dreams just stupid stuff. The night before last I had a dream...don't laugh... I dreamed that this large like 6 ft. tall penis with legs was chasing me! Ok...laugh Of course someone would interpet this dream as being a fear of sex or penis' or something like that but I know it was just a silly dream cuz I have them all the time and after 40+ yrs. in life, 3 marriages, and several relationship penis' and sex isn't something I'm afraid of...LOL
Last night I had a dream that I well, I dunno either I was being chased or maybe it just appeared this way but anyway, I had this large heart...big...big...as big as me trying to meld with me. It was on my side trying to go in....hehe Of course this is all I remember of these dreams and as I said they are silly.

Well as far as other things....Jeff and Todd my stepsons just turned 18, and my ex mom in law who is like my mom just had a birthday too. I have been sick for over a month now with this darn infection and my poor lil girl(not really little) has been having troubles of her own. We are like two peas in a pod her and I and gosh I was hoping she wouldn't be sickly like me but it seems like she is and all things seem to be piling up on her. But, lemme just say that God is good and He has and will always take care of us. We can handle more than most because God has given us strength enough to go through the things we have. Last week she was diagnosed with Scoliosis and next week we have to go see a specialist. She's such a good girl she just takes all this stuff in stride and rarely complains.

I guess it just seems sometimes I write these things to myself but I hope that my kids will be able to look back on them and find some piece of info they may need in their lives one day. We should all remember to write things down for oour kids for when we are gone....your family history for things like sickness, diseases, and other problems, these are things your kids need to know and if you are gone they might not know this.....so write it down for your kids!!

Well, I need sleep now! Another day....

Girls only, boys not allowed!

Even as girls we are driven to stake our claim on our space albeit our room, our toys, our clothes, or our stuff. We proudly stand up and proclaim, "THIS IS MINE!"

We spent this weekend at our "farm" and took the kids along as well. Sierra had her cousin over and from that point on it was the girls against Jeffrey. They love to torture poor Jeffrey and truthfully I think he gets a kick out of the attention too. It didn't take long for the girls to decide that they needed a place to call their own where no boys were allowed. So they made up some signs and walked down to the pond and posted a sign right at the entrance of the bridge that crosses the pond that said,

"Girls Island
no boys allowed!
and that includes you too Jeff!"

Then they put a piece of wood laid it across the bridge beams right at the entrance to the island at the other side with another sign that said something similar in the middle.


I remember being single and loving my own space, my place where no one else could come in and mess with. I also remember being a newlywed and having to adjust to the invasion from man in my little world. Though truthfully it was more the other way around because I moved into his home and his space but still I struggled to keep my sense of space...through my things..etc..What an adjustment! While I love my husband dearly I love my space too, I love having something that is just mine that I don't have to share with anyone unless I choose. I wonder why we feel this need?

Having kids is another invasion of space...bathroom time is no longer a private meeting place between your butt and the toilet bowl. There is something about that door being closed and your child knowing you are on the other side and they can't see you. It also seems to be the time when your child realizes they have something so important to tell you that it cannot wait. And of course lets not for get the cat or dog that has to grace you with it's presence while you conteplate what food group you had that must be creating this awful smell.

I have to say though that having our own space is not restrictive to just girls, boys like to have their space too. For my stepson, Jeffrey, his space is any land his four wheeler can manage to cover as quickly as possible. For my husband it's a his big ole pole barn where he can tinker with his tools, cars, and woodworking stuff.

And finally for me I have found my space once again with this mini farm with it's 1920 house thats full of breezy spots where I'm sure any bug I am terrified of can find its way in and the peace and tranquility you just can't get in Louisville.

More to come....

So I'm offcially older than dirt!

Well, it's after midnight on February 20th so I guess this means it's officially my birthday. I'm 43 yrs. old today and I feel like I am 90 sometimes;)

Things are beginning to return to normal in this family. My sister, Gayle is back working though it is hard I hear... I need to call her.(I love you even when I don't call!) The kids seem to be doing well as does Sue and Stacy since Lucille's passing. My sister in law, Shautana has gone in for some testing. She has seizures and they are beginning testing on her to see if she can qualify for some surgery that is suppose to relieve her of her seizures. Please pray for her! (I'm keeping you in my prayers, Shautana and I love you!) My sister, Sheila and her husband, Michael celebrated 20 years of being together on Valentine's day.... It's a long time! They met on Valentine's Day. She called me this week.... she always calls us to check in she is much better about it than I am.(I love you too, Sis)

As far as the homefront nothing really exciting to report except it seems I have my days and nights confused. I've been on these daggone pain killers and antibotics now for almost a week and all I want to do is sleep. Of course this is my natural state but it sure seems more so than usual.

The reason I am on antibotics is like normal I'm having my monthly or bi-monthly *depending on my body* kidney infection. This one got me good I have to admit but hopefully we will know what the problem is before too long. I finally went to the kidney doctor who is in his words, "very worried" and wants to run all sorts of test which in my words, "will cost me a fortune" but hey, it is necessary. My beloved went in too so we are having "couples" testing next month...lol hmmmm.... the family that goes to the kidney doctor together, stays together? Is that how it works? Well for us it did(and will with the tests coming up) and of all things we did this on Valentine's day. Nothing more special than taking your sweetie to the kidney doctor for his first prostate exam on sweethearts day now is there? ....lol Let me tell ya, I wasn't feeling the love since he ran me out of the room when the doctor came in! Of course I'm sure he wasn't feeling the love either right at that moment. The things we must go through when we hit middle age....sigh....

Well, I did find out some interesting info recently.... I talked to my friend, Brian who I use to work with at Providian. He was on yahoo so I im'd him since I hadn't talked to him in so long. It was nice to chat with him and catch up on his life, he sounds like he is doing well and I am happy for him. He told me that my friend, Theresa, who is the sweet blonde girl that helped me at my wedding, left her husband and now lives in another state. I feel just horrible that I didn't know this first hand but of course I am not your "keep in touch" type of friend so I didn't know. He did tell me she was on myspace.com so I am hoping to connect with her soon.

I'm just a terrible friend, I don't keep in contact with people well and ya know its all me and I just don't understand I use to make and keep friends easily. How do I get past this antisocial thing? I hate it, I hate being a social phobic! At Lucille's funeral I felt at home and like my old self again, Kathy, my best friend was there, and her hubby Bobby, and Connie and all these people who were my life...divorce kills relationships...not just the marriage relationship.... Anyway, it was wonderful being able to sit and talk with these people and laugh and have a good time, I just didn't want it to end. I have missed Kathy so much, we've been through a lifetime together but its been a lifetime ago. I really didn't mean to divorce my friends when I divorced my ex but then I married again and it was such a horrible marriage....I lost everybody then not just myself and I think I built this wall around me so nobody could ever get in...though Bobby did and I don't even know how honestly. Maybe where my friends were concerned, maybe I was embarrassed because I had made such a huge mistake when I remarried and I didn't want anyone to pity me, or worse yet blame me for the bad things that happened in that marriage...I guess I figured I had blamed myself enough for everyone and I couldn't handle any more post judgement. Of course that is a whole new story or even one I may have posted already I honestly cannot remember.

So how do I change? How do I turn everything around? How do I find a balance? How do I become a friend again and let others back in? Life is passing me by, this wonderful life that God has blessed me so with, how can I let it just pass me by or worse yet, how cant I stop sleeping through it? Will someone please tell me?

Stupid people in Dear Abby....

Sometimes things just hit me as funny and I have to share them, this is one of those times. The below story was taken from "Dear Abby" - I hope it's legal for me to do this and if not I guess I'll see ya'll again when I'm out of the joint...hehe

"DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My lover and I have been disagreeing lately and are considering couples counseling. However, he keeps insisting that we see the marriage counselor he and his wife are currently seeing.
I want to make this relationship work, but I think it's inappropriate to receive counseling from the same one that they are currently seeing. What do you think? -- NEEDS THERAPY IN TEAS

DEAR NEEDS THERAPY: I think you should definitely have some sessions with the therapist who is counseling your lover and his wife. They could prove enlightening. I'm willing to bet the farm that the same issues that have caused him to cheat on her are the ones at the root of your problems with him. And I'm not at all sure that "making this relationship work" would ultimately be in your best interests."

**I just have to wonder sometimes are people really this stupid or does Abby make this stuff up for entertainment? I think that what she finds "inappropriate" is the idea of going to her lover's and his wife's counselor....didn't she kinda miss something here, I mean isn't the relationship "inappropriate" on a whole? And what stupid woman in her right mind thinks she is going to "save" a relationship with a lover to begin with, I mean if he's going to counseling with his wife chances are he's going so he can save his marriage not end it. Come on girl, this isn't a "relationship" this is sex if you had plans for any more than that then next time consider dating someone who isn't already attached!

Another bittersweet time in our lives...

It's been a hectic few weeks here on the homefront...first Todd was in the hospital, then Lucille, my kids great-grandmother and someone I claim as my own grandmother went into the hospital, and then my sister Gayle went into the hospital. Two recovered and came home, one - Lucille lost her struggle on Feb. 6th she was 92 yrs. old.

For all of the sadnesses I'm sure if Lucille were watching she would be happy to see that we really did celebrate her life in the two days we spent in rememberance of her. Family and friends gathered who hadn't seen each other in years, we laughed together, we cried together, we felt sad, but then we felt happy that even in death someone had managed to figure out a way to bring so many people together.

Funerals though appear to stand for an end are more often a means of a new beginning. Wayward love ones come back to find that no matter what you did or who you were before or how much you've changed people still love you and need you....sometimes a person, like myself will realize that they need to let people in and allow others to share your life.

I haven't spent alot of time letting people share my life, this outgoing, life of the party girl somewhere along the way became an introvert, a shy person, someone who might turn the other way rather than risk seeing someone she knew who was heading our way. It's funny that it takes a funeral to find one's self again, even though I was sad and missing Lucille, I was so happy to be able to spend time with people who I had long ago left behind, people that didn't deserve to be left behind, people who helped make me who I was. I'm thankful that God gave me a gift in a time of sorrow, I'm thankful that Lucille allowed me to share in her day. She was a wonderful woman, full of life and I feel like she brought me up even though I was an adult when I met her because she has taught me so much in life. She lived a long life and through lots of hardship but she did it with a smile on her face, she has taught me that God has given us all a life for which we can be happy in no matter what bad things happen along the way. She was a good Christian woman and I have no doubt that she is walking with Jesus right now.