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7.30.2007

Something Important on my mind.

I have had something on my mind for awhile now and I want to share this with anyone who will read this. I am posting a portion of the blog and I hope that you will click on the length and read the rest of it. Please, Please, this is such and important subject, pass it on.... share it with every person who has children.

Protecting Our Children From Sexual Predators

The other day I was flipping channels when I came across The Oprah Winfrey Show, her guests that day were former and current wives of sexual predators. So being a former wife of a sexual predator I decided to watch the show. I had not gone to any group counseling after the horrible incident in our lives so this was the first time being able to have an opportunity to relate to women who had gone through similar situations.

I cried through most of the show as I realized that these women knew exactly how I felt, they had experienced the same thoughts and feelings as I had, for the first time I didn’t feel alone. It's an odd feeling to listen to someone relive an experience they had gone through in their lives and be able to relate so closely to what they went through. Some of the very words and thoughts they shared were so similar to my own thoughts and words it was as if we were talking about the same person and the same experience.

After having watched that show it truly confirms my belief that the signs of a sexual predator are all the same. The situation in which a sexual predator comes to be in a relationship with someone with children is basically the same. These people know the type of person who could fall prey to their kind, they know the right words to say to draw us in, they know what areas in our lives are lacking, they have studied their victims even if they have never met them. Having been a victim I realize that I have a voice and I need to use it to protect other children out there from suffering as my child did at a time when I could not protect her.


To view the whole message click here.

7.28.2007

Peace

So yesterday I was depressed and all about how long its taking me to heal and the enormous amount of pills they are making me take a day. Fortunately for you, my computer locked up before I got the chance to send it. Yes, recovery seems to be a slow process and the pills make me sick but I am getting better everyday and God is blessing me each day with renewed strength.

Today was a better day, like usual I did sleep too late but once I got up I got outside and had Jeff get the riding lawnmower out and I cut about an acre an a half of our land....not alot but its the first time I've actually road the lawnmower for more than 5 mins. ...actually it was only my 2nd time on the thing. I really enjoyed cutting the lawn, at first I was scared that I would topple over since it threw me all over the place when I'd hit a bump or two but once I got the hang of it I really enjoyed myself. I figure this is the one thing I can do to give back to Bobby and help him out because he does so much all the time, with the Louisville house, this property, and his mom's house he has alot to do and I know its not easy getting up at 3am to go to work every day. The next day I went out and cut the rest of the grass, it was hotter than the day before and I guess my asthma acted up alot more because I have a headache that won't go away. I still enjoyed the time on the mower and I can see myself doing this every week if it helps Bobby.

August 1st. I go see the doctor about removing the anyeresum from my spleen....I'm so glad because I feel like a walking time bomb, at any time this thing can bust and I'd bleed to death. Of course unless its my time to go I'm not going anywhere anyways so there is really no reason to worry. I always worry about what would happen to Sierra if something happened to me, she is a momma's girl and well she's attached a whole lot to Bobby and the boys too. Now with John Daniel going to be a daddy he's going to need someone around to tell him how to do everything the wrong way....hahaha that would be me! He's just so not ready to be a daddy...I just cannot imagine it. He is the same age I was when I found out I was preggers with him but you know I was so much more mature at his age.....mom brought us up to be self sufficient, she worked nights so we had to be. I'm trying to teach Sierra how to be self sufficient as well but John Daniel did not get that course from me.....what is that saying? You practice with the first kid and then do all the right things with the next one? I dunno bout that cuz I sure have screwed up with Sierra too. Every day is a learning experience. I miss my baby girl, she has been busy all summer and has spent very little of it at home. I guess this is a sign that she is growing up but it seems like yesterday she was just a baby. School will be starting soon and she will be home for good so I am letting her enjoy her freedom doing what she wants....soon enough she will have to be responsible for her time and be working hard at school.

As you can probably tell from my writing we have been spending alot of time down here at the farm...it has been good to be here and Bobby has gotten a taste of what driving back and forth from work will be like. It's definitely a different type of life, I feel so rested and relaxed and I don't feel boxed in anymore like I do at the house I've been able to reflect on life and the part of which I want to write about and share with others. I don't think any of us want to go back to Louisville, Jeff has already said that he'd just as soon go to school here rather than go back to Doss. Sierra on the other hand told me the other day on the phone that she doesn't want to live here of course I told her in no uncertain terms would she go to high school in Louisville, I'm just not going to allow that and she agreed that she didn't want to either. So I dunno what we will do.

Well breakfast is just about cooked, I've been cooking and writing inbetween time so now that it's almost done I will shut up for now....I need to learn to shorten these things somehow!! Have a good day!

7.18.2007

Slow progress

I guess its been about 11 days now since my last day in the hospital and I am having slow progress. I went to see my doctor yesterday and I was worried because my leg looks so dark that I thought they may put me back in the hospital but he didn't. He said the dark place is where blood has pooled and it just gives it a dark look...Thank God! I thought I was getting gangrene or that my skin was dying.

I bought the compression stocking last week that he wants me to wear but when the lady put it on me I thought I was going to die it hurt so bad. I took it to the doctor so he could see it and he agreed that there is no way I can wear it right now with my leg infected the way it is so he used a special gauze called an unna bandage that is soaked in Calamine and wrapped my leg....it was really painful at first but I am beginning to adjust with it as long as I take my Lortabs that is! I can actually walk better with the bandage and the feeling of pushing my leg through a box of needles when I first put in down is gone with it on.

I was really sick when I was in the hospital... I mean that night I went to the emergency room I literally felt like I was dying. The first 5 days they wouldn't even let me eat so I lost 10 lbs. which is awesome and now that I am out I find that my stomach has shrunk and I cannot eat as much...I also have the desire to stop eating before I get full now so that I won't get reflux and cokes taste horrible now. I also realize that if I want to live my life I need to make some changes so that my health will improve. My weight is a big problem and it causes so many problems with my health so this has got to change.

Over the next several months I see alot of things happening...In early August I go to see my Infectious Disease doctor and hopefully he will be able to help me know how to keep my cellulitis and my ezcema under control. The next week after that I see the surgeon who will take care of the Anyeresum that is leading to my spleen....this is something that has to be taken care of because it is life threatening so I'm sure he will schedule some procedure relatively quickly. I also will be needing to have I guess a hysterectomy because I have a cyst on my ovary and in my uterus. I also know that once I am well that my doctor will want me to schedule to have either Lap Band surgery or a Gastric Bypass because with my illnesses I cannot loose the weight on my own. I guess the one thing I have learned is that if I had taken better care of my body I would not be in the shape that I am in.

God is so good because there was so much wrong with me when I went to the hospital and had that not happened I'd never known....God has His ways of showing us things and I am so lucky that He chose to show me how to get help.

7.07.2007

Sick

Just wanted to make a message so anybody who has been wondering what happened to me would know. I just got out of the hospital yesterday after being in there for 9 days. I went in because I suddenly started having uncontrollable chills, vomitting, and pain in my leg. I was fine then I got sick all of a sudden, by the time I got to the hospital I was running I think 104. tempurature...I don't remember for sure I just know they told me it got to 104.7 before it finally came down.

We still don't know exactly what's all going on but they sent me home because they can treat me with antibotics at home and it won't cost me that large hospital bill. I thought I had cellulitis which it does look and feel like it, my chart said I have Necrotizing Fasciitis, my doctor says I also have Lymphnedema with a large mass of infection in my lower right abdomen, on my left side I have a small aneryerusm on an artery going to my spleen. The first thing I mentioned is a flesh eating virus, which if you read about it, I don't see how I could have that since mine did not progress as most cases do. The second thing has to do with my lymphnodes in my leg, apparently my lymphnodes have a hard time getting infection out of my body and it just stays there.

Anyway, I am finally home which is a blessing and let me just say that I praise God because I really thought I was going to die and He has watched over me and I know He will continue to do so. We have all been scared and I guess I know that to a point I still am but it looks like I will be spending alot of time in the doctors offices. I am only staying on the computer about 10 mins. at a time...which I am over right writing tis but I wanted ya'll to know. I will ask you all to please, please, please pray for me, pray for my husband who has to go to work and take care of the house and do everything and take care of me too.....he's worried financially because all I have is medicare and I cannot imagine how much 9 days in the hospital will cost not to mention all the ct scans and mri's I had...tests...etc... Of course he's worried about so many different things right now too....Pray for my kids who are so worried about their momma. Pray for my sister who is still having such a tough time getting her body in a well state after loosing her kidney....she has enough to worry about without having to worry about me...Pray for my other sister who God blessed with a caring personality who is always there when we need her! Pray for people who might get sick like me and die not having been saved.

I gotta go lay down but I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Love Kellie.

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