Subscribe with Bloglines The Whatever File: June 2007


Pet Peeves, Trust, and my thoughts on it all.

My blog today was going to be about the fish that Bobby caught last weekend but since I have "alltimers" desease I had forgotten I already posted that story on another page of my can view by going here---> And yes I know I mispelled "Alzheimers" but in my case since I am still young or young by older people's standards I call it "alltimers" because memory loss can hit ya at all times of your life;)

Anyway, I have to talk about my chat I had last night because it is one of my pet peeves.... My IM name as many of you know is "Kellibabe1" which as I am accustomed leads to all sorts of sexually charged IMs in hopes that I am the "babe" of some man's sexual fantasy. I have dealt with this my whole internet life since I refuse to change my was my childhood name and it stuck with me. Over time I have dealt with this in many ways such as being invisible at all times, stating in my profile not to im me for cybersex, to even answering the im's and then talking about God because that usually scares them off. Well awhile back I chatted with a christian guy I met on an advice board who I had shared similar life experiences with, we added each other and emailed ocassionally and then that was really the end of my chatting with him until last night. Let me just note that if you, the reader happen to be the guy in question and I misinpreted(sp?) your intentions I do apologize but you are just a platform used to state my pet peeve.

Generally a chat starts out with the cordialities of, "how are you", "whatcha doing", etc... then it will eventually lead into some comment that will start the topic leading towards the intended conversation. In this case I knew the man had martial issues so of course I asked how the marriage was going which lead to the comment that he hadn't had any sex all fairness this guy was truly stating that the marriage had still not proceeded any further and they were still tettering on the problem of sex and his patience. I have to admit that when the word "sex" is entered into the conversation a red flag immediately goes up in my head and I go into defense mode. Ladies let me tell you when that word enters into conversation on chat be prepared that at some point this talk will no doubt turn into a cybersex chat!! So defense mode activated I immediately retailate with what I think their problem is and how he needs to fix it....the poor guy if he was just chatting with me really got a earful on how he needs to be more patient and if its a trust issue he isn't ever going to gain her trust by being on the internet chatting with Actually in regards to fixing a relationship that was broken by internet pornagraphy, infedilities, and general disregard for one's marriage doesn't it just make sense to anyone that you cannot even begun to gain trust in your marriage again if the problem is still sitting in the room? I mean granted the computer can be used for many things, God knows that He can reach millions with this wonderful internet and it brings people together who would never have had an opportunity to meet otherwise, and the world of information is so great on the 'net it makes you wonder how we ever lived without it before. BUT... as the Bible says.... If your eye offends thee then pluck it out...I am paraphrasing here since I don't have the exact verse at hand... should that not apply to those things which even though may be helpful can be much more harmful in our lives? You cannot build trust in a broken marriage by keeping the very thing that causes you to "cheat" in the marriage with would not keep a lover in your house if you were trying to save your marriage would you? The power of pornagraphy on the net is so strong, it pops up everywhere no matter if you are looking for it or not.

Ok, I know that I don't know everything so please forgive me for acting like I do its just that sometimes people don't think. I'm not saying that a person should totally get rid of the computer or even the internet but there are filters out there and christian web browsers. This is not what bothered me was the fact that it was 12:30 in the am and he was talking to me, a woman that bothered me. If I were in her shoes and my husband was on the net late at night talking to a woman I could not develop trust with him. If I were his wife and he was on the net talking with women about the fact that I have not been intimate with him because of trust issues I would not be trusting him anytime soon. Trust comes in all forms and it is not given it is earned, if you expect it to be given just on your word and your past is not worthy of trust then you cannot expect it to be given on word alone. The first area of trust would be that they both made a commitment to not talk about their marital relationship with anyone other than a counselor. The second area of trust would be that the only time either of them spent on the computer on the net is while the other is in the room and could view what was being typed...this is how to build trust. Another thing that gets me...people are not stupid, come on there are many programs out there that one can put on a computer to log every single word that is typed so that the person can see and know what is being said. What if one of those programs are intact and this man is telling someone else that his marriage lasks sex, why would she ever trust him???? If you want her trust you need to really, really try! But to be all out honest here, she should not be witholding sex as a means to punish him because in witholding sex she is pushing him to do exactly what caused the problem to begin with.

So theres another issue that drives me crazy!!! Ladies how do you expect your man to be satisfied if you won't be there for is your job, it is in the Bible, and in truth your marriage can only get stronger by coming together in a loving situation, giving yourself to one another. Love isn't just a feeling its a choice, you choose to love someone and you can choose not to love them by changing your mind. You have the power all in your head to make you feel the way that you do....if you are constantly downing someone in your head eventually you are going to believe it, your mind is a powerful thing that the devil uses, God says not to listen to our own selves...ok so your not a christan forget the devil stuff using your brain, the truth is your brain is your strongest alli(sp?) because you don't trust anyone as much as your trust yourself right? I'm sorry I just don't aggree because you can talk yourself into or out of anything and you know what I mean because we've all done it before. So like I said you choose to love by talking yourself into these feelings and then since the brain is the process center for all of your body, it tells your heart what to feel. So back to the withholding issue...if you tell yourself you love your man then you should commit to him, the feelings will feel good and the thoughts will confirm your love and you continue this cycle until you feel that trust, the love...etc...

So I guess ya'll think I'm crazy huh? Well, I really didn't get on the actually pet peeve I meant to talk about but heck I still wrote a book so I guess I'll shut up for now. Anyway Bobby is home and I try not to be on the computer when he is home. I love my Bobby:) Take care, God Bless, and peace out!



Back home again.....

Monday June 4, 2007 - 2AM

Well here I sit after a week of no computer desperately in need of sleep but unable to close my eyes. We spent the week down at the property and oh how hard it was too leave! There's no phone, no cable, no computer, and no Leo there but for some reason I don't feel so bad when I am there. I find myself getting up earlier, going outside and enjoying the air, the sun, nature, and life something that seems to elude me back here in Louisville. Why oh why is it so different? How can a change of scenery change your life?

Monday June 4, 2007 - 9:30PM

Well that was about as far as I got this morning before I fell asleep sitting in my computer chair. I woke up at 3:30AM with my legs propped up on Sierra's bed, I hate when I do this because it always causes my legs severe pain but I do it anyway. Then I went to the recliner and slept there until about 9AM, the recliner is the one thing I truly miss while I am out in the country!

So it was another wonderful week at the property. We discovered 5 new residents of our property - a momma cat and 4 babies have taken up residence under the house. They are wild cats and won't let us near them. Whenever we come out of the house or they see us they run under the house where we can't get to them. I was also lucky enough to be graced with the presence of a mouse in the kitchen. We knew we had mice but hadn't seen any until I seen one run across the floor. Bobby set a trap and the next day the little mouse just couldn't resist the cheese and wrote his own death sentence. I felt bad that he had to die but I can't stand having poop all over everything not to mention the disease they spread around.
Bobby and Jeff really didn't do alot of work on the property last week except cut the grass and unload and put up alot of the wood we have had on our trailer. Bobby did take the time to build a new bridge and I guess Freddie will move it into place next weekend. It was just too hot to do much outside work...we did go yard saling but even that was a headache, I was heat sick for the rest of weekend after that! The nicest part was sitting outside in the mornings and early evenings on the swing watching the fish and turtles is the most peaceful and relaxing experience.

Each time we are there we seem to meet more and more super nice people....people are so friendly here, everybody waves when ya drive by. A man named Freddie who lives down the road has a backhoe and we went down to find out what he would charge us to grade part of the property, uproot some trees, and get the boat out of the pond, Bobby talked to him for a real long time and he said he would stop by later to see what Bobby wanted done. Well, while we were gone he happened to stop by and went ahead a pulled the boat out of the pond!! We were so shocked to see it out of the pond when we got home that we went right down to his house to thank him and find out how much we owed him and he just laughed and said it was nothing that he hadn't even done anything yet! While we were talking to him come to find out he is the one who put the pond in originally. The old man who owned it (before the last two people) lived there for years and years until he died, he ask Freddie to put it in and then never paid him! Freddie says the shallow end which is the left side is about 10 feet deep and the deep end is around 20'ish feet.

It's a funny thing about buying a home in a small town because everyone knows everything about your property. It is so fasinating meeting people and listening to their stories about the house and the previous owners. I guess over the last couple of months we have met a man who lived there when he first got married(60 yrs. ago), the man who built the chimney, the man who laid the concrete floor in the garage, the man who bought the property from Herschel(the longest owner) and then split it up into smaller parcels and now the man who put in the pond. Though I cannot remember them by name I know that since this house was built there have been a total of 5 families who have lived here, I know that the house started out much smaller and as each person's family grew they added on more rooms. Living in Louisville unless we contracted these people personally we would mostlikely never meet the people who worked on our house! Another odd thing is to be talking to a stranger and say what area of town we bought our house and them saying to us, "oh you bought so and so's house", or "that's the house on the corner of such and such street". I guess because the house sit empty for so long and it had gotten looking so bad that people remember it. All I can say is it must of been "that eyesore on the corner" for many folks down there because they all compliment us on what a good job we are doing getting the place back in shape.

Well I guess that's it for the night I'm getting sleepy again and about ready for bed. Sierra is behind me complaining because she has a headache and we won't let her play on the computer or her game.... when will she learn these things don't help her headache?;)