Subscribe with Bloglines The Whatever File: February 2007


So I'm offcially older than dirt!

Well, it's after midnight on February 20th so I guess this means it's officially my birthday. I'm 43 yrs. old today and I feel like I am 90 sometimes;)

Things are beginning to return to normal in this family. My sister, Gayle is back working though it is hard I hear... I need to call her.(I love you even when I don't call!) The kids seem to be doing well as does Sue and Stacy since Lucille's passing. My sister in law, Shautana has gone in for some testing. She has seizures and they are beginning testing on her to see if she can qualify for some surgery that is suppose to relieve her of her seizures. Please pray for her! (I'm keeping you in my prayers, Shautana and I love you!) My sister, Sheila and her husband, Michael celebrated 20 years of being together on Valentine's day.... It's a long time! They met on Valentine's Day. She called me this week.... she always calls us to check in she is much better about it than I am.(I love you too, Sis)

As far as the homefront nothing really exciting to report except it seems I have my days and nights confused. I've been on these daggone pain killers and antibotics now for almost a week and all I want to do is sleep. Of course this is my natural state but it sure seems more so than usual.

The reason I am on antibotics is like normal I'm having my monthly or bi-monthly *depending on my body* kidney infection. This one got me good I have to admit but hopefully we will know what the problem is before too long. I finally went to the kidney doctor who is in his words, "very worried" and wants to run all sorts of test which in my words, "will cost me a fortune" but hey, it is necessary. My beloved went in too so we are having "couples" testing next hmmmm.... the family that goes to the kidney doctor together, stays together? Is that how it works? Well for us it did(and will with the tests coming up) and of all things we did this on Valentine's day. Nothing more special than taking your sweetie to the kidney doctor for his first prostate exam on sweethearts day now is there? Let me tell ya, I wasn't feeling the love since he ran me out of the room when the doctor came in! Of course I'm sure he wasn't feeling the love either right at that moment. The things we must go through when we hit middle age....sigh....

Well, I did find out some interesting info recently.... I talked to my friend, Brian who I use to work with at Providian. He was on yahoo so I im'd him since I hadn't talked to him in so long. It was nice to chat with him and catch up on his life, he sounds like he is doing well and I am happy for him. He told me that my friend, Theresa, who is the sweet blonde girl that helped me at my wedding, left her husband and now lives in another state. I feel just horrible that I didn't know this first hand but of course I am not your "keep in touch" type of friend so I didn't know. He did tell me she was on so I am hoping to connect with her soon.

I'm just a terrible friend, I don't keep in contact with people well and ya know its all me and I just don't understand I use to make and keep friends easily. How do I get past this antisocial thing? I hate it, I hate being a social phobic! At Lucille's funeral I felt at home and like my old self again, Kathy, my best friend was there, and her hubby Bobby, and Connie and all these people who were my life...divorce kills relationships...not just the marriage relationship.... Anyway, it was wonderful being able to sit and talk with these people and laugh and have a good time, I just didn't want it to end. I have missed Kathy so much, we've been through a lifetime together but its been a lifetime ago. I really didn't mean to divorce my friends when I divorced my ex but then I married again and it was such a horrible marriage....I lost everybody then not just myself and I think I built this wall around me so nobody could ever get in...though Bobby did and I don't even know how honestly. Maybe where my friends were concerned, maybe I was embarrassed because I had made such a huge mistake when I remarried and I didn't want anyone to pity me, or worse yet blame me for the bad things that happened in that marriage...I guess I figured I had blamed myself enough for everyone and I couldn't handle any more post judgement. Of course that is a whole new story or even one I may have posted already I honestly cannot remember.

So how do I change? How do I turn everything around? How do I find a balance? How do I become a friend again and let others back in? Life is passing me by, this wonderful life that God has blessed me so with, how can I let it just pass me by or worse yet, how cant I stop sleeping through it? Will someone please tell me?


Stupid people in Dear Abby....

Sometimes things just hit me as funny and I have to share them, this is one of those times. The below story was taken from "Dear Abby" - I hope it's legal for me to do this and if not I guess I'll see ya'll again when I'm out of the joint...hehe

"DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My lover and I have been disagreeing lately and are considering couples counseling. However, he keeps insisting that we see the marriage counselor he and his wife are currently seeing.
I want to make this relationship work, but I think it's inappropriate to receive counseling from the same one that they are currently seeing. What do you think? -- NEEDS THERAPY IN TEAS

DEAR NEEDS THERAPY: I think you should definitely have some sessions with the therapist who is counseling your lover and his wife. They could prove enlightening. I'm willing to bet the farm that the same issues that have caused him to cheat on her are the ones at the root of your problems with him. And I'm not at all sure that "making this relationship work" would ultimately be in your best interests."

**I just have to wonder sometimes are people really this stupid or does Abby make this stuff up for entertainment? I think that what she finds "inappropriate" is the idea of going to her lover's and his wife's counselor....didn't she kinda miss something here, I mean isn't the relationship "inappropriate" on a whole? And what stupid woman in her right mind thinks she is going to "save" a relationship with a lover to begin with, I mean if he's going to counseling with his wife chances are he's going so he can save his marriage not end it. Come on girl, this isn't a "relationship" this is sex if you had plans for any more than that then next time consider dating someone who isn't already attached!


Another bittersweet time in our lives...

It's been a hectic few weeks here on the homefront...first Todd was in the hospital, then Lucille, my kids great-grandmother and someone I claim as my own grandmother went into the hospital, and then my sister Gayle went into the hospital. Two recovered and came home, one - Lucille lost her struggle on Feb. 6th she was 92 yrs. old.

For all of the sadnesses I'm sure if Lucille were watching she would be happy to see that we really did celebrate her life in the two days we spent in rememberance of her. Family and friends gathered who hadn't seen each other in years, we laughed together, we cried together, we felt sad, but then we felt happy that even in death someone had managed to figure out a way to bring so many people together.

Funerals though appear to stand for an end are more often a means of a new beginning. Wayward love ones come back to find that no matter what you did or who you were before or how much you've changed people still love you and need you....sometimes a person, like myself will realize that they need to let people in and allow others to share your life.

I haven't spent alot of time letting people share my life, this outgoing, life of the party girl somewhere along the way became an introvert, a shy person, someone who might turn the other way rather than risk seeing someone she knew who was heading our way. It's funny that it takes a funeral to find one's self again, even though I was sad and missing Lucille, I was so happy to be able to spend time with people who I had long ago left behind, people that didn't deserve to be left behind, people who helped make me who I was. I'm thankful that God gave me a gift in a time of sorrow, I'm thankful that Lucille allowed me to share in her day. She was a wonderful woman, full of life and I feel like she brought me up even though I was an adult when I met her because she has taught me so much in life. She lived a long life and through lots of hardship but she did it with a smile on her face, she has taught me that God has given us all a life for which we can be happy in no matter what bad things happen along the way. She was a good Christian woman and I have no doubt that she is walking with Jesus right now.



Do you ever get bored? Gosh I do, matter of fact its late and I should be in bed but I'm not cuz I'm bored. I'd like to be down on the farm but I'm not unfortunately. We went down there yesterday and dag gone it got stuck in the mud...haha I had to laugh though Bobby was fit to be tied. I know when he gets mad I should just keep my mouth shut but ya know I'm such an noticed those 3 letters "sti" it stands for "stinker"...hehe I'm a stinker and I sure do enjoy instigating things sometimes.
Life can be too serious and ya just have to let go and be a stinker once in awhile:p

You know how to really annoy someone? Log onto yahoo or aol and wait about 5 mins. and then log off again, then log back on, and then off again, they get so annoyed because your name keeps popping up. Or if ya wanna be mean, type a message to someone like you are talking about someone else and your talking about the person you actually send it too....then im them back and say "oops I sent the wrong message to you" ... hehe see I'm a stinker:)