Subscribe with Bloglines The Whatever File: August 2007


A good day!

I went to see Dr. Davis today and he said my aneurysm is now offically gone! Yay! He did say though that my spleen is not functioning like anticipated so I will continue to hurt alittle off and on as it dies off. I don't have to go back to see him or Dr. Godshall again unless I need to so that is a positive thing.

The reason it was such a good day is I have lost another 3lbs. for a total loss of 15lbs. since I have been in the hospital. I haven't been able to loose in so long!

Yay Me;)


confession time

I was writing an email to a friend I have met on a weight loss board I am on and it got me to thinking how I have prisoned myself off from everyone. It seems like the fatter I get and the sicker I become I close myself off. I feel bad that all the friends I use to have I don't really have anymore because I don't keep in touch because I don't want them to see me this way. Its a sad thing to realize that I have done this, I have pushed everyone away from me and this once vibrant woman spent 9 days in a hospital with only her family to visit her.

So I wonder when I die would there be anyone at my funeral? Or would my family look around and feel sorry for me knowing that I have sheltered myself so much so that no one cares about me anymore save for them? The sad part is I can remember when I was much younger how sad I felt for my mom and stepdad that they didn't have friends to hang out with, friends who came over to play cards, friends who called just to see how they were doing...etc... And yet here I am now. I think this sheltering didn't start with my fat but after my marriage to the child molestor, nobody liked him so I stopped seeing my friends and then even if I wanted to see my friends I would never have left him alone because in the back of my mind I knew while I was out he'd be cheating on me because that is what he did. Then after we seperated I didn't want people to see how mentally unstable I was because of what he did, I didn't want people to feel sorry for us either so back into my little corner I went afraid, afraid of what? I dunno. Then I got fatter and fatter and I became sick and I have been so sick for so long, then there was just nothing interesting about me....what could I even talk about or bring to a friendship? Talk about my sicknesses? Talk about being disabled and sitting around the house all day? I mean really what did I have to offer? Nothing thats what!

I know that Theresa who is still my friend who loves me enough to enjoy our little email friendship knowing that is all I have to offer well especially since she lives in Virginia...hehe I know she will holler at me for writing this but it is true and if I don't say it then all I am doing is hiding, at least if I say it...its out there in black and white and maybe seeing it will make me become a different or better all starts with a step doesn't it? Well, I guess this is my first step.


Well, I had the Splenic artery Aneurysm taken care of through an abdominal angiogram this past Thursday and I came home from the hospital Friday. Thursday was a horrible day, I didn't think a person could stand so much pain but with God by my side I made it through. Friday I felt great so they let me go home and since then I have spent most of the weekend in bed. My feeling great day was just an illusion because I have felt horrible since that day. If it wasn't for good pain killers and sleep I'd surely be back in the hospital.

Hubby called the doctor last night and he said unless my pain was over a "10" there would be no sense in going to the hospital because all they would do is watch me...which makes sense. The problem I have is how am I suppose to know what a "10" is, is it his "10" that he's talking about or is there this general concensious what a "10" should feel like? I threw up a few times yesterday and am unable to eat but its a good thing that I have some phenagran on hand or I'd not be able to stand it. So is a "10" without medicine or with it? I cannot imagine it without it because even with medicine it hurts just to breathe. Oh well, tomorrow I go back to the doctor so I guess I will just sleep until then. I did get up and take a shower, drank some sprite, and took my meds so as I wait for them to kick in I thought I'd take some time and write.

They say this was a major surgery even though I was not opened up, it lasted 4 hrs. and they put 23 coils in the aneurysm to hold it...the doctor thinks that the reason I have so much pain is that the spleen is slowly starting to die off now. Splenic Artery Aneurysm is a very rare thing, I've been searching the internet to find info but there is not alot out there. The only reason mine was found is because they were looking for something else on a cat scan. If you ever suffer from left side abdomen pain please have it checked out....if the aneurysm burst before it was repair a person could bleed to death in a very short amount of time. I am so thankful that they found it.

According to what I have learned a Splenic Artery Aneurysm only affects about 1% of the worlds population and women are at greater risk than men are. In most cases finding the aneurysm before it burst is considered an incidental finding, where it is found only when a doctor is doing a cat scan to find something else and happens upon the aneurysm. Because the spleen holds such large amounts of blood people die fairly quickly if it ruptures before it is treated. So you can see why I would thank God for this because had it not been for other things there is no telling how long I would have gone on this way or whether it would have ruptured or something. I have been so blessed to see so many miracles in my life and this is one of them!


Surgery day.....

Well I was rescheduled last Friday for my surgery on the anyeresum in the artery leading to my spleen. It was rescheduled for tomorrow - Thursday the 9th. I have to be at the hospital at 6am...boy I hate mornings! The good news is that maybe I will finally get a cortizone shot in my knee and be able to walk better and I will be able to sleep in a bed for a change! After my hospital stay last month I have been favoring my right leg and in the last week or two I have now damaged my knee. I have bad knees and ever so often I need a cortisone injection so the good news is I will probably get one in the hospital....yay!

Since I will be out of comission when Sierra starts school we went to walmart today to get school supplies and we got her hair cut at the hair salon in the store....We spent 5 hrs. in Walmart...5 hrs! Can you even imagine? I felt like I should have been paid I was there so long. Of course you think I'd have bought the store but I didn't we'll have to go back as soon as it gets cool and get clothes for winter....maybe by then I will have won the lottery and I can just have the store come to me instead like all the rich people do...hahaha

Its funny I don't have the foresight to be worried about this surgery I mean I just don't think of it as that serious but my family seems to think so. I realize that God is always with me and He is watching over me every second of every day and if its my time to go then only He knows. So in case God does call me home I love you family and my friends and we'll party when ya'll get to heaven.

Oh and I have to use this blog as my confessional too..... I have to confess something really terrible I did. I use to work for Zayre's many, many years ago and back then whenever we had mismatched shoes in the shoe department we would just send them back and the shoe company would give us credit for it. Well fast forward to many years later and I have to admit I am a thief.... I bought some shoes in two different sizes but I only bought the one set and left the store with mismatched shoes!! Ok, so I still believed then that they truly turned them back in to get credit for them. So today I am in the store buying more shoes and this time I was buying two sets in two different sizes so I could make one set to fit my uneven feet and I ask the clerk if they sent their shoes back if someone bought a mismatched pair...she said, "no ma'am we don't, we consider that stealing!" Talk about feeling like a heal!(no pun intended) So I admit I stole something once and I'm very, very Now if I were Catholic and ya'll were priest I guess I'd be truly confessing but thank God, He is good and I don't have to ask anyone to forgive my sin but God....heck I didn't even have to tell anyone!

Well I am off to get ready for bed, 5am comes awful early....Please keep me in your prayers and I will be hollering at ya'll when I am feeling better!

Peace out!


Back to the hospital again.

Well, I went to the doctor today and he scheduled me for surgery on Aug. 3 (the day after tomorrow!) to have the anyeresum in the artery leading to my spleen taken out. He seemed to think it would be it wouldn't be a difficult procedure so I am thankful for that. I should only be in the hospital a couple days. I hope that anyone reading this would keep me in their prayers...and thanks so much for doing so. Will update more later.