Subscribe with Bloglines The Whatever File: November 2006


The cure?

Why is it sometimes "the cure" is worse than the actual problem? I'm frustrated today or actually tonight now. "The cure" I am talking about is Lasix and Allupurinol. The doctor gave me Lasix about a year or two ago to help bring my blood pressure down which it does a real good job at but I have Gout. Lasix can lead to Gout which is a Rhuematic Arthuritis that affects the joints, a long time ago I took Lasix and another doctor took me off of it because of the increased uric acid in my system. That doctor put me on Allupurinol which is to keep uric acid from forming in your body. The allupurinol was like a Godsend, it took my pain away and gave me my life back. Then I went back on the Lasix and everything has seemed to change. Now I can't take the Allupurinol because it causes severe Cellulitis which is an infection of the skin. So I stopped taking it.

Now I'm suffering so bad I don't even want anyone to touch me. Of course if that isn't enough the lack of Allupurinol in my system has caused me kidney stones from the uric acid that is now in my kidneys, it seems like it's a never ending battle. I didn't want to get out of bed today but staying in bed only hurts me because it hurts when the bed touches my body. I feel like my kidney is going to explode on top of that. Yet, I'm sitting here typing on the computer and complaining....LOL I'm a mess. Ya know, I know I can do this though because nobody ever reads my blog.....hehe I could say terrible, horrible things about anybody and they'd never know because only I read it.

Oh back about "the cure", I finally broke down and took my allupurinol tonight because I'd rather suffer with cellulitis then to hurt the way I do right now. It worries me this pain, my kidney has actually drawn my attention away from my aching body now and I just want it to go away.....this can lead to kidney failure I'm told and I worry. I don't voice my opinion because everyone would just call me a hypochondriac or get aggravated because I am complaining. Oh please God, take this pain from me, even just the kidney pain because the fear of kidney failure scares me so much. God is so very good, He is a rescuer in my time of trouble, He gives me peace.......If someone does read this know that no matter how bad it is God can help you through....He's been there with me through so much and I've survived. Well, writing about my pain doesn't take it away so I guess I should find something else to do to make me forget.
Happy thanksgiving!


Remembering how lucky we are........

Sometimes I forget how lucky we are but then something reminds me and I know how blessed we are. It's been 2 yrs. since Sierra had open heart surgery and she is doing great! Her recent visit to her cardiologist showed she is doing very well and there has been no change thank God!

I am blessed to have wonderful, talented children.....While Sierra is just starting out to be an artist, her brother John Daniel is so talented! Here's one of his drawings:
He's gotten even better since I scanned this picture and I know he will continue to get better and better. I look forward to the day when I see his work published in books or used in tv. Jeffrey and Todd while not my own are such good boys! Jeff is always eager to help out his dad and will always do anything for me without the slightest complaints and he's good with his hands too.

I am also blessed because Mary is doing well after having the aneuriusm removed not but a couple months before Sierra's surgery... and she still has not picked smoking back up!

Of course I am always blessed with the wonderful family I have been blessed with those related and those extended!


There's a reason they call them "ex's"

I was cursed to see my ex today and this time I had my daughter with me. It's amazing how things work out but first alittle background info.

I have a tendency to want to know what area of town he lives in so that I make sure we steer way clear of him....Well, understandably this doesn't sit well with Bobby because he'd rather I not even have that much of a connection with him. So I have not "looked" for him so to speak to see what area he is in.
Well by chance a couple weeks ago we bought something from a fellow cheapcycler and as it turned out it was also a mutual aquaintance of ours and his. Well they told me what area of town that he was living in and of course it happens to be the same area I live in so I was truly upset by this. My first thought was for the safety of my daughter and how I really needed to know where he lived at now but then it occured to me that through no involvement of my own GOD used someone to tell me that I need to be on my guard.

God truly does watch out for us....... So anyway back to how amazing things turn out..... I went to pick up my daughter from her grandma's today and then went to stop by the store. Well, I had some mail I needed to get filled out before I went in so I could put it in the box so I sat there and filled it out. When I got done I opened my door to get out when I noticed Sierra was still seatbelted and playing her game so I turned to look at her and tell her to come on. Well right out of the corner of my eye I noticed this couple walking towards the store and it turned out to be my ex. I told Sierra nevermind and I got back in the car and we drove away and the whole way I was thanking God for warning me.
Had I not stopped to fill out my envelope we would have been in the store and probably would have come face to face with him, this terrible guy who abused my daughter. She has not seen him in 8 yrs. and though she has become well adjusted she still has nightmares about him and one day when she gets old enough she plans to have him prosecuted. So here was another event where we were supernaturally warned and protected by God. I am so thankful! As I said it just goes to show that God will take care of us if we allow him (even if we don't really) with no involvement from us whatsoever.

I so look forward to when we move down to our property we are buying so that I don't even have to worry about being in the same town as him! It's not that I am frightened by him or worry that he will hurt us, truthfully a man such as him well, he really isn't a man to be honest but a person such as him once he has left his mark on your life what you want is to totally be free from any contact even if it's just seeing his face in passing. I would honestly like to erase him from my memory and my life but you know Sierra tells me that even though it was a bad time for her, us that she wouldn't change anything because had we not been at that place in that time, we may not have met Bobby in the place and time we did and we would not be so blessed to have him, Jeff, and Todd in our lives. She is such a unique and understanding person, she has such a way about her. She finds the good in everything! Thank God!

As far as my ex, they say time heals all wounds....I remember when I seen him a year or so after we split up and I thought to myself, "gee, he isn't as good looking as I thought he was", well this time when I seen him I just looked at him and thought how small he looked as if he had shrunk in my mind. I remember when we first split up before I knew what he did to my daughter that I thought I just couldn't live a day without him. And even years later, I still felt saddened by this terrible thing that happened in our lives when I thought it was going to be all perfect. The truth is, you really do heal, granted it takes some time and honestly we have to learn to let go of that hurt, let go of what might have been and see what is the truth even though we may not want to see it.... We have to learn to change our perspective because it is all within us to do so and if we would learn that we cannot change or heal anyone and see a person for what they are we would all end up in a lot less of a mess then we find ourselves in. The only person you can change is yourself and the only way of changing others is through first pray and second by example. When we become good examples others genuinely want to change to be like us.

What a challenge but please make your example Christlike because if you model yourself after anyone else you set yourself up for failure.

Peace out!


Blessings and hardships

I finally threw away the roses my hubby got me last week. About once every 2 or 3 months he brings me roses, I don't know why....I don't do anything special to deserve roses but still the same he brings them to me. He is a sweet man, much more of a man than I deserve at some times but always good to me. God knew what I needed, He seen the pain and suffering I had gone through previously and He blessed me with Bobby.

Whether we choose to allow Him, God knows what we need in our lives, the hard thing is allowing Him to do His will in our lives instead of us doing our will. I did my will before I met Bobby and it cost me so dearly, sometimes you can start down a road you never intended to be on but then you get lost and you can't seem to find your way back. Have you ever just wished you could stop the world sometimes and get off, just take a break? Just for a minute? I've been there, it was right before I gave up my desire to have my own will for my life and let God take control. If you find yourself at the end of your rope or you wonder how your life got to be so bad then stop and look up because God is waiting to show you a better life.

Dear Diary.................

Wow, it's almost been a month since I wrote here. I had a dream the other night but gosh I can't remember it. I know it was about Sierra my daughter and I remember thinking later that it was a dream about her growing up and my inability to control that. I think it's really important to pay attention to your dreams, your dreams are the way you deal with things, things that you are not ready to accept. It's our subconcious trying to prepare our conciousness of change.

Speaking of change boy has it been busy the last few weeks....Sierra had been having more seizures so I took her to her seizure doctor who said it was because she was child is becoming a teen. We also had dental appointments and eye appointments to go to also. Jeff had a dental appointment and we are hoping this will be his last visit adjusting his braces, the dentist said he may get his braces off in 3 wks....Yippee.

More changes to come..... We found another house we want to buy and we bid on it and got it so now we are waiting to close, we should close on it within the next 10 days....Yippee again! We are so excited about this property it's just under 3 acres, still not the size we desire but this will be a nice getaway home until we decide if this is the one we want to move to. It has so much potential and we fall in love with it each time we drive down there but then we drive back and we realize how far away we are from Louisville. Now don't get me wrong we want out of Louisville but we are not sure if we want this far out.....we are considering making this a rental property, there are 3 other properties in the area I would love to buy for rental properties but it's a big undertaking. It's such a good time to invest in property though and then you have an income stream and that changes your whole perspective of where you can live... and whether you work a job aside from your rental business.

So much to much to do!!! Sigh....such is life but I am thankful to God for allowing us this opportunity.

More later!