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Surgery Cancelled and Rescheduled..

I had hoped the next time I wrote here to be home from surgery but it was rescheduled. I won't go into detail since nobody reads my blog but me and I already know what happened. It's been rescheduled for Tuesday, Dec. 18th.

So here I sit knowing I need to be in bed but not wanting to go because I need to catch up on so many things on this dern computer. I have noticed ever since I was in the hospital in August that I have been azmatic much more when before I let my inhalers expire unused for lack of need now I am using them all the time. It seems that life is going down hill for me....I truly believe that God used my illness when I was in the hospital in June to show me that I needed to act if I were going to live another year. Once I found out I could have the gastric bypass I have pushed and pushed my way through any obstical or staff member who tried to slow down my progress. It is like walking a tightrope knowing you could fall at anytime but yet you got your eye on the platform struggling ever so slowly hoping that the tightrope won't fail you now.

I'm about to step on the platform though I have to walk the most perilous part of the tightrope but lucky for me God has my back and I know that He will see me through this. God is so good, He brings me through so many dangers. I can just imagine my day in heaven when my life is playing before my eyes.....towards this end of my life I am sure there are many, many times the Lord is carrying me until I can stand on my own. Tuesday will be another day he carries me, safely tucked into His loving arms He will keep me safe as I take this step to better my health. I am so thankful and so Blessed. Thank you Jesus! Praise God!


Life happenings!

Wow I didn't realize it had been so long since I updated this blog with all the blogs I have it is so hard to keep up! Well I have finally done all the bells and whistles to get bariatric surgery and it's going to happen on Dec. 14th - 2 days from now!

I should be in bed but I am trying to get things all done for when I go to the hospital....its hard getting ready you just know your going to forget something! I went to the store today and spent $163.00 stocking up on things that would be easy for Bobby to fix while I am laid up. I also bought the kind of stuff I will be able to eat once I'm done. I'm finally just about done with Christmas shopping and I hope to wrap tomorrow sometime but I dunno if I will get it all done.

I have had emotional highs and lows as one can imagine. Last weekend Bobby spent the weekend alone at the farm and it was wonderful but as soon as we got on the road to come home my stomach was all in knots and I thought I might throw up. It's like a different world there. You know I am not afraid of dying its the people I leave behind that scares me so especially Sierra. She told me not so long ago that she'd just want to die if something happened to me. She is also going to be having spine surgery soon so I worry about not being there for her. But ya know God is good and He will provide, there are so many people praying for us!!

On the bright side, this surgery will be like a new birth for me, a chance to be able to spend more time doing stuff with my family, being there for John Daniel and Sierra since I didn't do a very good job of that while they were younger. And of course I need to be there for my grandbaby due in January. Well I guess that's it. I need to hit the hay. God Bless anyone who reads this.


Thanksgiving Reflection

I'm spending the week down at my country home to prepare for Thanksgiving. I love my country home, it's not fancy or polished and it's not decorated with great riches but rather other people's stuff that they gave to various thrift stores in exchange for the new stuff they are replacing it with. Some people would look down on that and think it's tacky to be using someone else's recycled hand-me-downs but not me I am tickled to death with the treasures I find and the inexpensive prices I pay. My country home is a peaceful place, a place that I come to so I can be rejuvenated, a place that inspires me to recapture the person I use to be and to surrender the suspicious and untrusting persona that has taken over my body as a result of too many hurts. Here there is no looking over my shoulders in a need to protect my brod, here I can rest, here I can pick up my bible and spend quite time with God or walk with him while we enjoy the beauty and nature that has been so long forgotten in the concrete jungle of the city where I live.

I am putting up pictures and adding character and charm in hopes that the holiday visitors will find peace and relaxation while visiting the way I do and for just alittle while they too can forget the business of the city. It's an odd thing I realize as I go about my decorations that this person inside of me that emerges while I'm here is the young girl who looked at the world with a giving heart and a trusting hand without the slightest suspicion of the hurt and pain that changed me into the person I am now. For the first time in a long time I feel unpressured, I feel less afraid, and I'm not angry instead I am happy and my heart is open and I long to be involved with life and people when before this last year I kept at arm's length in fear of being hurt or taken advantage of. Here I long to be the wife my husband deserves to have, the mother that my children remember from days gone by and the friend that use to open my house and home to the people I love and encourage relationships that I thought I could no longer have because of the fear I felt when I worried I would get hurt again. It's hard to believe that a change of residence can lift so much burden off a person but in truth it is God working with me through the distance that I am able to put between myself and my family from the bitter sadnesses that are associated with memories of our pasts in the cold, hard city. I am so thankful to God for putting us in the right place at the right time and helping us believe that it would all work out even though we couldn't afford the cost of keeping up two houses. Now looking back a year ago to when we were excited but scared when we purchased this place, I know that it was the right thing to do and in time the old house will sell and we will be here permanently and the feelings of the past will be left behind in the city we no longer call home.


This and that....

Today Bobby, my beloved turned 44 yrs. old. Jeff wanted to take Bobby out today for dinner but he didn't feel like going so instead we had white castles...oh boy what a wonderful birthday I did take him to TGIFridays for his birthday friday night and it was soo good! After that we drove down to the house for the weekend but we didn't spend much time there. Saturday morning we took off for Bowling Green to go to the flea markets and Sunday we drove around scouting out some other ones not to far all we put over 437 miles on the truck. Phew!

We found this wonderful lake that I'm sure now that we know where it's at we will be hanging out there some next summer and its not to far from the house either! Here's some pics click on the pic to see the rest: Image hosted by
by bakersbazaar

Tomorrow is my day I go in for my nutritional class and my pyschological evaluation, the later one scares me to death so I think I'll just let one of my multiple personalities take over for just joking there's no one in this head but me and if there was I'm sure by now they'd all have run off trying to escape me! Once this procedure is over with I will be scheduled with the doctor to set up an appointment for surgery. Yeah!!


I'm a blog-aholic!

I have a confession to make....I'm a blog-aholic. It's not that I intended to have more than one blog but then as I joined one message board and then another and those places had blogs I started a blog on each of those websites as well.....sigh....

Of course "The Whatever File" is my true blog, it has ballooned into more like a website with a page here and there...course they label them as blogs too but I connected them together to make one blog. Heck I dunno if anyone even reads this one but its personal and I've had it for quite awhile now. It's getting to be a pain in the butt posting the same thing on each blog so I usually start with a paragraph and then a link to the rest of the story.

So tonight was the premier of Private Practice, the Grey's Anatomy spinoff...not bad but I am sure it will take more time to get me really interested even though I am a die hard Grey's fan. Speaking of Grey's it premiers tomorrow and I cannot wait!

Things seem to be moving right along here and I have got almost all of my medicals done and will be able to turn in all that and my paperwork for a RNY-GB...I sure hope it won't take long since I've got everything they need done with the exception of the psyhc eval and the nutrition classes and they do those. The one thing that isn't moving right along right now is me, my cellulitis is back and it's worse than when I was in the hospital but absent of the Lymphodema - Thank God! It's been a terrible few days but I do believe I am getting better....sigh.... Well I am sleeping so I am going to bed. Peace out!


My sad moments......

I was on you tube tonight looking at a video of a laproscopic gastric bypass. After I watched it I start looking at all of the other surgery type videos and came across this one: don't click on that yet til you know what it is. This is a video of one girl's story about having spine surgery to correct scoliosis.

Sometimes I do think it's good to see what someone else has gone through before a person goes through the same thing themselves because it does prepare you. I cried watching this video because I know Sierra is going to have to go through this soon and its going to be so hard for her. I thought open heart surgery was bad but this is real bad, its not like open heart surgery where she went back to school in 6 wks. It's an entire lifestyle change, its something that just won't heal in a short amount of time it will take 6 to 8 mos. to heal. This girl in the story had surgery 4 mos. ago and is still out of school. My heart hurts for Sierra, I want to cry just thinking of the suffering she will have to go through. I also want to prepare her but yet I don't want to scare her.

I know that alot of non-believers would wonder why does she have to suffer so much and blame God. I don't understand why she has to suffer so much but I know it's not God's wishes for her to suffer, on the contrary God wants to show us a miracle and I know that He has showed us miracles over and over again in our lives. I am thankful for those miracles..... some people go through life in such a hurry or with such unbelief that they never see a miracle but if you slow down and take the time to look you will see miracles happening all around you. I do know that God will get us through this just like He always has but I also know it's alright to be afraid and sad because someone I love has to suffer through something like this.


A good day!

I went to see Dr. Davis today and he said my aneurysm is now offically gone! Yay! He did say though that my spleen is not functioning like anticipated so I will continue to hurt alittle off and on as it dies off. I don't have to go back to see him or Dr. Godshall again unless I need to so that is a positive thing.

The reason it was such a good day is I have lost another 3lbs. for a total loss of 15lbs. since I have been in the hospital. I haven't been able to loose in so long!

Yay Me;)


confession time

I was writing an email to a friend I have met on a weight loss board I am on and it got me to thinking how I have prisoned myself off from everyone. It seems like the fatter I get and the sicker I become I close myself off. I feel bad that all the friends I use to have I don't really have anymore because I don't keep in touch because I don't want them to see me this way. Its a sad thing to realize that I have done this, I have pushed everyone away from me and this once vibrant woman spent 9 days in a hospital with only her family to visit her.

So I wonder when I die would there be anyone at my funeral? Or would my family look around and feel sorry for me knowing that I have sheltered myself so much so that no one cares about me anymore save for them? The sad part is I can remember when I was much younger how sad I felt for my mom and stepdad that they didn't have friends to hang out with, friends who came over to play cards, friends who called just to see how they were doing...etc... And yet here I am now. I think this sheltering didn't start with my fat but after my marriage to the child molestor, nobody liked him so I stopped seeing my friends and then even if I wanted to see my friends I would never have left him alone because in the back of my mind I knew while I was out he'd be cheating on me because that is what he did. Then after we seperated I didn't want people to see how mentally unstable I was because of what he did, I didn't want people to feel sorry for us either so back into my little corner I went afraid, afraid of what? I dunno. Then I got fatter and fatter and I became sick and I have been so sick for so long, then there was just nothing interesting about me....what could I even talk about or bring to a friendship? Talk about my sicknesses? Talk about being disabled and sitting around the house all day? I mean really what did I have to offer? Nothing thats what!

I know that Theresa who is still my friend who loves me enough to enjoy our little email friendship knowing that is all I have to offer well especially since she lives in Virginia...hehe I know she will holler at me for writing this but it is true and if I don't say it then all I am doing is hiding, at least if I say it...its out there in black and white and maybe seeing it will make me become a different or better all starts with a step doesn't it? Well, I guess this is my first step.


Well, I had the Splenic artery Aneurysm taken care of through an abdominal angiogram this past Thursday and I came home from the hospital Friday. Thursday was a horrible day, I didn't think a person could stand so much pain but with God by my side I made it through. Friday I felt great so they let me go home and since then I have spent most of the weekend in bed. My feeling great day was just an illusion because I have felt horrible since that day. If it wasn't for good pain killers and sleep I'd surely be back in the hospital.

Hubby called the doctor last night and he said unless my pain was over a "10" there would be no sense in going to the hospital because all they would do is watch me...which makes sense. The problem I have is how am I suppose to know what a "10" is, is it his "10" that he's talking about or is there this general concensious what a "10" should feel like? I threw up a few times yesterday and am unable to eat but its a good thing that I have some phenagran on hand or I'd not be able to stand it. So is a "10" without medicine or with it? I cannot imagine it without it because even with medicine it hurts just to breathe. Oh well, tomorrow I go back to the doctor so I guess I will just sleep until then. I did get up and take a shower, drank some sprite, and took my meds so as I wait for them to kick in I thought I'd take some time and write.

They say this was a major surgery even though I was not opened up, it lasted 4 hrs. and they put 23 coils in the aneurysm to hold it...the doctor thinks that the reason I have so much pain is that the spleen is slowly starting to die off now. Splenic Artery Aneurysm is a very rare thing, I've been searching the internet to find info but there is not alot out there. The only reason mine was found is because they were looking for something else on a cat scan. If you ever suffer from left side abdomen pain please have it checked out....if the aneurysm burst before it was repair a person could bleed to death in a very short amount of time. I am so thankful that they found it.

According to what I have learned a Splenic Artery Aneurysm only affects about 1% of the worlds population and women are at greater risk than men are. In most cases finding the aneurysm before it burst is considered an incidental finding, where it is found only when a doctor is doing a cat scan to find something else and happens upon the aneurysm. Because the spleen holds such large amounts of blood people die fairly quickly if it ruptures before it is treated. So you can see why I would thank God for this because had it not been for other things there is no telling how long I would have gone on this way or whether it would have ruptured or something. I have been so blessed to see so many miracles in my life and this is one of them!


Surgery day.....

Well I was rescheduled last Friday for my surgery on the anyeresum in the artery leading to my spleen. It was rescheduled for tomorrow - Thursday the 9th. I have to be at the hospital at 6am...boy I hate mornings! The good news is that maybe I will finally get a cortizone shot in my knee and be able to walk better and I will be able to sleep in a bed for a change! After my hospital stay last month I have been favoring my right leg and in the last week or two I have now damaged my knee. I have bad knees and ever so often I need a cortisone injection so the good news is I will probably get one in the hospital....yay!

Since I will be out of comission when Sierra starts school we went to walmart today to get school supplies and we got her hair cut at the hair salon in the store....We spent 5 hrs. in Walmart...5 hrs! Can you even imagine? I felt like I should have been paid I was there so long. Of course you think I'd have bought the store but I didn't we'll have to go back as soon as it gets cool and get clothes for winter....maybe by then I will have won the lottery and I can just have the store come to me instead like all the rich people do...hahaha

Its funny I don't have the foresight to be worried about this surgery I mean I just don't think of it as that serious but my family seems to think so. I realize that God is always with me and He is watching over me every second of every day and if its my time to go then only He knows. So in case God does call me home I love you family and my friends and we'll party when ya'll get to heaven.

Oh and I have to use this blog as my confessional too..... I have to confess something really terrible I did. I use to work for Zayre's many, many years ago and back then whenever we had mismatched shoes in the shoe department we would just send them back and the shoe company would give us credit for it. Well fast forward to many years later and I have to admit I am a thief.... I bought some shoes in two different sizes but I only bought the one set and left the store with mismatched shoes!! Ok, so I still believed then that they truly turned them back in to get credit for them. So today I am in the store buying more shoes and this time I was buying two sets in two different sizes so I could make one set to fit my uneven feet and I ask the clerk if they sent their shoes back if someone bought a mismatched pair...she said, "no ma'am we don't, we consider that stealing!" Talk about feeling like a heal!(no pun intended) So I admit I stole something once and I'm very, very Now if I were Catholic and ya'll were priest I guess I'd be truly confessing but thank God, He is good and I don't have to ask anyone to forgive my sin but God....heck I didn't even have to tell anyone!

Well I am off to get ready for bed, 5am comes awful early....Please keep me in your prayers and I will be hollering at ya'll when I am feeling better!

Peace out!


Back to the hospital again.

Well, I went to the doctor today and he scheduled me for surgery on Aug. 3 (the day after tomorrow!) to have the anyeresum in the artery leading to my spleen taken out. He seemed to think it would be it wouldn't be a difficult procedure so I am thankful for that. I should only be in the hospital a couple days. I hope that anyone reading this would keep me in their prayers...and thanks so much for doing so. Will update more later.


Something Important on my mind.

I have had something on my mind for awhile now and I want to share this with anyone who will read this. I am posting a portion of the blog and I hope that you will click on the length and read the rest of it. Please, Please, this is such and important subject, pass it on.... share it with every person who has children.

Protecting Our Children From Sexual Predators

The other day I was flipping channels when I came across The Oprah Winfrey Show, her guests that day were former and current wives of sexual predators. So being a former wife of a sexual predator I decided to watch the show. I had not gone to any group counseling after the horrible incident in our lives so this was the first time being able to have an opportunity to relate to women who had gone through similar situations.

I cried through most of the show as I realized that these women knew exactly how I felt, they had experienced the same thoughts and feelings as I had, for the first time I didn’t feel alone. It's an odd feeling to listen to someone relive an experience they had gone through in their lives and be able to relate so closely to what they went through. Some of the very words and thoughts they shared were so similar to my own thoughts and words it was as if we were talking about the same person and the same experience.

After having watched that show it truly confirms my belief that the signs of a sexual predator are all the same. The situation in which a sexual predator comes to be in a relationship with someone with children is basically the same. These people know the type of person who could fall prey to their kind, they know the right words to say to draw us in, they know what areas in our lives are lacking, they have studied their victims even if they have never met them. Having been a victim I realize that I have a voice and I need to use it to protect other children out there from suffering as my child did at a time when I could not protect her.

To view the whole message click here.



So yesterday I was depressed and all about how long its taking me to heal and the enormous amount of pills they are making me take a day. Fortunately for you, my computer locked up before I got the chance to send it. Yes, recovery seems to be a slow process and the pills make me sick but I am getting better everyday and God is blessing me each day with renewed strength.

Today was a better day, like usual I did sleep too late but once I got up I got outside and had Jeff get the riding lawnmower out and I cut about an acre an a half of our land....not alot but its the first time I've actually road the lawnmower for more than 5 mins. ...actually it was only my 2nd time on the thing. I really enjoyed cutting the lawn, at first I was scared that I would topple over since it threw me all over the place when I'd hit a bump or two but once I got the hang of it I really enjoyed myself. I figure this is the one thing I can do to give back to Bobby and help him out because he does so much all the time, with the Louisville house, this property, and his mom's house he has alot to do and I know its not easy getting up at 3am to go to work every day. The next day I went out and cut the rest of the grass, it was hotter than the day before and I guess my asthma acted up alot more because I have a headache that won't go away. I still enjoyed the time on the mower and I can see myself doing this every week if it helps Bobby.

August 1st. I go see the doctor about removing the anyeresum from my spleen....I'm so glad because I feel like a walking time bomb, at any time this thing can bust and I'd bleed to death. Of course unless its my time to go I'm not going anywhere anyways so there is really no reason to worry. I always worry about what would happen to Sierra if something happened to me, she is a momma's girl and well she's attached a whole lot to Bobby and the boys too. Now with John Daniel going to be a daddy he's going to need someone around to tell him how to do everything the wrong way....hahaha that would be me! He's just so not ready to be a daddy...I just cannot imagine it. He is the same age I was when I found out I was preggers with him but you know I was so much more mature at his brought us up to be self sufficient, she worked nights so we had to be. I'm trying to teach Sierra how to be self sufficient as well but John Daniel did not get that course from me.....what is that saying? You practice with the first kid and then do all the right things with the next one? I dunno bout that cuz I sure have screwed up with Sierra too. Every day is a learning experience. I miss my baby girl, she has been busy all summer and has spent very little of it at home. I guess this is a sign that she is growing up but it seems like yesterday she was just a baby. School will be starting soon and she will be home for good so I am letting her enjoy her freedom doing what she wants....soon enough she will have to be responsible for her time and be working hard at school.

As you can probably tell from my writing we have been spending alot of time down here at the has been good to be here and Bobby has gotten a taste of what driving back and forth from work will be like. It's definitely a different type of life, I feel so rested and relaxed and I don't feel boxed in anymore like I do at the house I've been able to reflect on life and the part of which I want to write about and share with others. I don't think any of us want to go back to Louisville, Jeff has already said that he'd just as soon go to school here rather than go back to Doss. Sierra on the other hand told me the other day on the phone that she doesn't want to live here of course I told her in no uncertain terms would she go to high school in Louisville, I'm just not going to allow that and she agreed that she didn't want to either. So I dunno what we will do.

Well breakfast is just about cooked, I've been cooking and writing inbetween time so now that it's almost done I will shut up for now....I need to learn to shorten these things somehow!! Have a good day!


Slow progress

I guess its been about 11 days now since my last day in the hospital and I am having slow progress. I went to see my doctor yesterday and I was worried because my leg looks so dark that I thought they may put me back in the hospital but he didn't. He said the dark place is where blood has pooled and it just gives it a dark look...Thank God! I thought I was getting gangrene or that my skin was dying.

I bought the compression stocking last week that he wants me to wear but when the lady put it on me I thought I was going to die it hurt so bad. I took it to the doctor so he could see it and he agreed that there is no way I can wear it right now with my leg infected the way it is so he used a special gauze called an unna bandage that is soaked in Calamine and wrapped my was really painful at first but I am beginning to adjust with it as long as I take my Lortabs that is! I can actually walk better with the bandage and the feeling of pushing my leg through a box of needles when I first put in down is gone with it on.

I was really sick when I was in the hospital... I mean that night I went to the emergency room I literally felt like I was dying. The first 5 days they wouldn't even let me eat so I lost 10 lbs. which is awesome and now that I am out I find that my stomach has shrunk and I cannot eat as much...I also have the desire to stop eating before I get full now so that I won't get reflux and cokes taste horrible now. I also realize that if I want to live my life I need to make some changes so that my health will improve. My weight is a big problem and it causes so many problems with my health so this has got to change.

Over the next several months I see alot of things happening...In early August I go to see my Infectious Disease doctor and hopefully he will be able to help me know how to keep my cellulitis and my ezcema under control. The next week after that I see the surgeon who will take care of the Anyeresum that is leading to my spleen....this is something that has to be taken care of because it is life threatening so I'm sure he will schedule some procedure relatively quickly. I also will be needing to have I guess a hysterectomy because I have a cyst on my ovary and in my uterus. I also know that once I am well that my doctor will want me to schedule to have either Lap Band surgery or a Gastric Bypass because with my illnesses I cannot loose the weight on my own. I guess the one thing I have learned is that if I had taken better care of my body I would not be in the shape that I am in.

God is so good because there was so much wrong with me when I went to the hospital and had that not happened I'd never known....God has His ways of showing us things and I am so lucky that He chose to show me how to get help.



Just wanted to make a message so anybody who has been wondering what happened to me would know. I just got out of the hospital yesterday after being in there for 9 days. I went in because I suddenly started having uncontrollable chills, vomitting, and pain in my leg. I was fine then I got sick all of a sudden, by the time I got to the hospital I was running I think 104. tempurature...I don't remember for sure I just know they told me it got to 104.7 before it finally came down.

We still don't know exactly what's all going on but they sent me home because they can treat me with antibotics at home and it won't cost me that large hospital bill. I thought I had cellulitis which it does look and feel like it, my chart said I have Necrotizing Fasciitis, my doctor says I also have Lymphnedema with a large mass of infection in my lower right abdomen, on my left side I have a small aneryerusm on an artery going to my spleen. The first thing I mentioned is a flesh eating virus, which if you read about it, I don't see how I could have that since mine did not progress as most cases do. The second thing has to do with my lymphnodes in my leg, apparently my lymphnodes have a hard time getting infection out of my body and it just stays there.

Anyway, I am finally home which is a blessing and let me just say that I praise God because I really thought I was going to die and He has watched over me and I know He will continue to do so. We have all been scared and I guess I know that to a point I still am but it looks like I will be spending alot of time in the doctors offices. I am only staying on the computer about 10 mins. at a time...which I am over right writing tis but I wanted ya'll to know. I will ask you all to please, please, please pray for me, pray for my husband who has to go to work and take care of the house and do everything and take care of me too.....he's worried financially because all I have is medicare and I cannot imagine how much 9 days in the hospital will cost not to mention all the ct scans and mri's I had...tests...etc... Of course he's worried about so many different things right now too....Pray for my kids who are so worried about their momma. Pray for my sister who is still having such a tough time getting her body in a well state after loosing her kidney....she has enough to worry about without having to worry about me...Pray for my other sister who God blessed with a caring personality who is always there when we need her! Pray for people who might get sick like me and die not having been saved.

I gotta go lay down but I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Love Kellie.


Pet Peeves, Trust, and my thoughts on it all.

My blog today was going to be about the fish that Bobby caught last weekend but since I have "alltimers" desease I had forgotten I already posted that story on another page of my can view by going here---> And yes I know I mispelled "Alzheimers" but in my case since I am still young or young by older people's standards I call it "alltimers" because memory loss can hit ya at all times of your life;)

Anyway, I have to talk about my chat I had last night because it is one of my pet peeves.... My IM name as many of you know is "Kellibabe1" which as I am accustomed leads to all sorts of sexually charged IMs in hopes that I am the "babe" of some man's sexual fantasy. I have dealt with this my whole internet life since I refuse to change my was my childhood name and it stuck with me. Over time I have dealt with this in many ways such as being invisible at all times, stating in my profile not to im me for cybersex, to even answering the im's and then talking about God because that usually scares them off. Well awhile back I chatted with a christian guy I met on an advice board who I had shared similar life experiences with, we added each other and emailed ocassionally and then that was really the end of my chatting with him until last night. Let me just note that if you, the reader happen to be the guy in question and I misinpreted(sp?) your intentions I do apologize but you are just a platform used to state my pet peeve.

Generally a chat starts out with the cordialities of, "how are you", "whatcha doing", etc... then it will eventually lead into some comment that will start the topic leading towards the intended conversation. In this case I knew the man had martial issues so of course I asked how the marriage was going which lead to the comment that he hadn't had any sex all fairness this guy was truly stating that the marriage had still not proceeded any further and they were still tettering on the problem of sex and his patience. I have to admit that when the word "sex" is entered into the conversation a red flag immediately goes up in my head and I go into defense mode. Ladies let me tell you when that word enters into conversation on chat be prepared that at some point this talk will no doubt turn into a cybersex chat!! So defense mode activated I immediately retailate with what I think their problem is and how he needs to fix it....the poor guy if he was just chatting with me really got a earful on how he needs to be more patient and if its a trust issue he isn't ever going to gain her trust by being on the internet chatting with Actually in regards to fixing a relationship that was broken by internet pornagraphy, infedilities, and general disregard for one's marriage doesn't it just make sense to anyone that you cannot even begun to gain trust in your marriage again if the problem is still sitting in the room? I mean granted the computer can be used for many things, God knows that He can reach millions with this wonderful internet and it brings people together who would never have had an opportunity to meet otherwise, and the world of information is so great on the 'net it makes you wonder how we ever lived without it before. BUT... as the Bible says.... If your eye offends thee then pluck it out...I am paraphrasing here since I don't have the exact verse at hand... should that not apply to those things which even though may be helpful can be much more harmful in our lives? You cannot build trust in a broken marriage by keeping the very thing that causes you to "cheat" in the marriage with would not keep a lover in your house if you were trying to save your marriage would you? The power of pornagraphy on the net is so strong, it pops up everywhere no matter if you are looking for it or not.

Ok, I know that I don't know everything so please forgive me for acting like I do its just that sometimes people don't think. I'm not saying that a person should totally get rid of the computer or even the internet but there are filters out there and christian web browsers. This is not what bothered me was the fact that it was 12:30 in the am and he was talking to me, a woman that bothered me. If I were in her shoes and my husband was on the net late at night talking to a woman I could not develop trust with him. If I were his wife and he was on the net talking with women about the fact that I have not been intimate with him because of trust issues I would not be trusting him anytime soon. Trust comes in all forms and it is not given it is earned, if you expect it to be given just on your word and your past is not worthy of trust then you cannot expect it to be given on word alone. The first area of trust would be that they both made a commitment to not talk about their marital relationship with anyone other than a counselor. The second area of trust would be that the only time either of them spent on the computer on the net is while the other is in the room and could view what was being typed...this is how to build trust. Another thing that gets me...people are not stupid, come on there are many programs out there that one can put on a computer to log every single word that is typed so that the person can see and know what is being said. What if one of those programs are intact and this man is telling someone else that his marriage lasks sex, why would she ever trust him???? If you want her trust you need to really, really try! But to be all out honest here, she should not be witholding sex as a means to punish him because in witholding sex she is pushing him to do exactly what caused the problem to begin with.

So theres another issue that drives me crazy!!! Ladies how do you expect your man to be satisfied if you won't be there for is your job, it is in the Bible, and in truth your marriage can only get stronger by coming together in a loving situation, giving yourself to one another. Love isn't just a feeling its a choice, you choose to love someone and you can choose not to love them by changing your mind. You have the power all in your head to make you feel the way that you do....if you are constantly downing someone in your head eventually you are going to believe it, your mind is a powerful thing that the devil uses, God says not to listen to our own selves...ok so your not a christan forget the devil stuff using your brain, the truth is your brain is your strongest alli(sp?) because you don't trust anyone as much as your trust yourself right? I'm sorry I just don't aggree because you can talk yourself into or out of anything and you know what I mean because we've all done it before. So like I said you choose to love by talking yourself into these feelings and then since the brain is the process center for all of your body, it tells your heart what to feel. So back to the withholding issue...if you tell yourself you love your man then you should commit to him, the feelings will feel good and the thoughts will confirm your love and you continue this cycle until you feel that trust, the love...etc...

So I guess ya'll think I'm crazy huh? Well, I really didn't get on the actually pet peeve I meant to talk about but heck I still wrote a book so I guess I'll shut up for now. Anyway Bobby is home and I try not to be on the computer when he is home. I love my Bobby:) Take care, God Bless, and peace out!



Back home again.....

Monday June 4, 2007 - 2AM

Well here I sit after a week of no computer desperately in need of sleep but unable to close my eyes. We spent the week down at the property and oh how hard it was too leave! There's no phone, no cable, no computer, and no Leo there but for some reason I don't feel so bad when I am there. I find myself getting up earlier, going outside and enjoying the air, the sun, nature, and life something that seems to elude me back here in Louisville. Why oh why is it so different? How can a change of scenery change your life?

Monday June 4, 2007 - 9:30PM

Well that was about as far as I got this morning before I fell asleep sitting in my computer chair. I woke up at 3:30AM with my legs propped up on Sierra's bed, I hate when I do this because it always causes my legs severe pain but I do it anyway. Then I went to the recliner and slept there until about 9AM, the recliner is the one thing I truly miss while I am out in the country!

So it was another wonderful week at the property. We discovered 5 new residents of our property - a momma cat and 4 babies have taken up residence under the house. They are wild cats and won't let us near them. Whenever we come out of the house or they see us they run under the house where we can't get to them. I was also lucky enough to be graced with the presence of a mouse in the kitchen. We knew we had mice but hadn't seen any until I seen one run across the floor. Bobby set a trap and the next day the little mouse just couldn't resist the cheese and wrote his own death sentence. I felt bad that he had to die but I can't stand having poop all over everything not to mention the disease they spread around.
Bobby and Jeff really didn't do alot of work on the property last week except cut the grass and unload and put up alot of the wood we have had on our trailer. Bobby did take the time to build a new bridge and I guess Freddie will move it into place next weekend. It was just too hot to do much outside work...we did go yard saling but even that was a headache, I was heat sick for the rest of weekend after that! The nicest part was sitting outside in the mornings and early evenings on the swing watching the fish and turtles is the most peaceful and relaxing experience.

Each time we are there we seem to meet more and more super nice people....people are so friendly here, everybody waves when ya drive by. A man named Freddie who lives down the road has a backhoe and we went down to find out what he would charge us to grade part of the property, uproot some trees, and get the boat out of the pond, Bobby talked to him for a real long time and he said he would stop by later to see what Bobby wanted done. Well, while we were gone he happened to stop by and went ahead a pulled the boat out of the pond!! We were so shocked to see it out of the pond when we got home that we went right down to his house to thank him and find out how much we owed him and he just laughed and said it was nothing that he hadn't even done anything yet! While we were talking to him come to find out he is the one who put the pond in originally. The old man who owned it (before the last two people) lived there for years and years until he died, he ask Freddie to put it in and then never paid him! Freddie says the shallow end which is the left side is about 10 feet deep and the deep end is around 20'ish feet.

It's a funny thing about buying a home in a small town because everyone knows everything about your property. It is so fasinating meeting people and listening to their stories about the house and the previous owners. I guess over the last couple of months we have met a man who lived there when he first got married(60 yrs. ago), the man who built the chimney, the man who laid the concrete floor in the garage, the man who bought the property from Herschel(the longest owner) and then split it up into smaller parcels and now the man who put in the pond. Though I cannot remember them by name I know that since this house was built there have been a total of 5 families who have lived here, I know that the house started out much smaller and as each person's family grew they added on more rooms. Living in Louisville unless we contracted these people personally we would mostlikely never meet the people who worked on our house! Another odd thing is to be talking to a stranger and say what area of town we bought our house and them saying to us, "oh you bought so and so's house", or "that's the house on the corner of such and such street". I guess because the house sit empty for so long and it had gotten looking so bad that people remember it. All I can say is it must of been "that eyesore on the corner" for many folks down there because they all compliment us on what a good job we are doing getting the place back in shape.

Well I guess that's it for the night I'm getting sleepy again and about ready for bed. Sierra is behind me complaining because she has a headache and we won't let her play on the computer or her game.... when will she learn these things don't help her headache?;)



Work on the Louisville house

Well we finally had the carpet laid and the upstairs is coming right along. What we have left to do in the bedrooms is connect the electricity, hang the ceiling fans and put up the border in Sierra's room and decide if we will put up wallpaper on the green wall in our room. Of course this is only the bedrooms, we still have to finish the floor, walls, and some of the ceiling in the hall. Finishing means we still need to paint walls and put the wood paneling we are using on the lower half. The bathroom needs to be painted as well and the stairs need to be carpeted.

I am attaching two videos one of Sierra's room and one of ours. The first one up is the master bedroom.

This next one is of Sierra's Room.

I also have pictures which you may be able to see better. If you'd like to see them click the link below.

If a link doesn't appear please follow the link on the right hand side ------->
which will be located at the top of the right hand side below my picture called, "My picture/video page"
More to come......


Sometimes you can't make sense of things....

Sierra had a spine doctor appointment today and it was not good. We knew from her x-rays she had that she had a 25% curvature to the spine so my thoughts were just hoping they wouldn't have to put her in a brace. Well it was worse than expected...the x-rays were not a full spine xray so you couldn't really see the larger curvature so they took a full body one in the office....she has a 27% upper curvature and and 43% lower curvature... the first words out of the doctors...well the nurse practiciners mouth was, "she's got to have surgery" well this just blew me for a loop....sigh I wasn't expecting this, she wasn't expecting this, heck nobody was expecting this.

The nurse then said maybe I better talk to a doctor and they brought the doc in and he agreed so now Sierra has to have an MRI done because they need to make sure of what is going on etc... Sometimes things just don't make sense! It was bad enough that she had all the heart problems and then loosing her eyesight for awhile, then the siezures, the stroke, the thumb defect, the low motor skills and low muscle tone...etc... I remember saying I wonder how much worse can it get when we found out about the seizures. I'm a christian, I believe in God, there is just no questions that run through my mind that start with, "why God..." but there is just a "why?" question but then I know that it's not God's doings, its the devil's.... somewhere in the back of my mind I can picture God and the devil having a conversation where the devil has some scheme up his sleeve to test our faith...I'm sure its got to do with some big movie theatrics but then I see God over there smoothing it over, I believe that behind the scenes what we don't see is what is horrible actually isn't as bad as the devil had planned it because God intervened. I believe that no matter how bad it looks from our end what we aren't seeing is the damage that was overted because God changed something for the better. I have to believe this and I know this because I know that the devil cannot stand the rock hard faith Sierra has in God.

She makes me stronger and more faithful and I hope she does everyone else who is hurting over this latest news because, she is such an example. She showed me today that it doesn't do any good to focus on the big thing but to tackle the small things first... in her mind it was more upsetting that she would have to forego eating for 8 hrs. in order to have this MRI then the fact that she would have to have surgery. Was she upset? yes but she focused on tackling the smaller problem first...maybe this is how we get through, one thing at a time, one day at a time.


Life happenings.........

It's terrible to say but I just haven't been updating lately....we have been spending so much time at the farm that I just haven't logged on and posted my blogs. I have wrote them and they have been stored on my laptop but only now have I been able to update it and put it on my main computer so here goes.

April 1st 2007

Today is April Fool’s Day but I feel anything but foolish. Another weekend spent on the farm, each day bringing us closer to a decision to move for good. We feel such peacefulness here, even working on the place doesn’t bring us down but it brings us happiness knowing we are doing something that we’ve longed to do for so long. It’s exciting to walk the property everyday and find another new plant, flower, or tree we hadn’t seen before. Spring is causing everything to bloom and each day there is a new color blooming on our horizon.

Yesterday we went over to Shelbyville and bought some White Grass Carp, Catfish, and Bluegill to put in the pond. Fisheries usually go around to different places once a month offering their fish for sale. This one in particular was pretty cheap compared to the others so we decide to buy from him. It was a long drive back though and hardly any of the bluegill lived. Bobby released all of them into the pond and they headed off for deeper waters. I guess we will do this again next month in an effort to get this pond stocked. Last weekend I was down at the pond and seen several fish so I know that we do have some in there already. We also have frogs but I haven’t seen any turtles yet guess I will have to go adopt a couple and put them in the pond.

One of our neighbors came by yesterday and tried to pull the ugly boat out of the pond. Oh have I mentioned the ugly boat we had in there before? The people who owned this place before us basically polluted the pond because there is so much crap in it. We are slowly pulling things out, cutting down cattails, and just cleaning it up but it’s one heck of a job! The ugly boat is sticking out on one end of the pond, it looks like its about an 18 footer or so. I wouldn’t have figured it to be that big until he started pulling it out but every time he’d pull it out he’d get stuck and it would go back in. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out there is a motor on the other end causing it to be so heavy. There are cattails inside the boat and a whole bunch of metal, maybe they didn’t intend for the boat to come out…I guess some people might find it neat for decoration….lol but I am not one of them. The people also had a deck on one end and some pool steps so I guess they swam in this pond but again I am not one of them who would ever swim in this water or any pond water for that matter!! I remember when I was a little girl I went camping with my best friend, Tina up to Butler State Park. They had a big lake there and had part of it partitioned off so you could swim. Well, I decided to go for a swim with Tina and started itching all over so I came back out of the water…I was covered in hives…so that pretty much ended my lake and pond swimming days!

It has rained both nights we have been here but when we get up in the morning the sun is shining so brightly…I wouldn’t have known it even rained had it not been for Bobby telling me. It’s funny how soundly I sleep her but yet at home I am up all hours of the night. I also sleep plenty of the day away at home but here, I find I am not depressed and I want to be up and enjoying the sun. Last weekend on our trip back home we seen a two seat swing that someone was throwing out for trash other than it being a little worn and the top cover ripped there was nothing wrong with it. So Bobby took the top off and put it on the trailer to bring back down here this weekend which he did. I had him sit it right out in the back not too far from the pond and I’ve already been out there enjoying the sun twice this weekend…even being sick with this cold I have hasn’t depressed me so to keep me from enjoying the beauty of the land.

It’s funny to think a change of scenery can change your whole way of life, how you feel and what you want out of that life. When you find you are at peace the things that seemed so important to you somehow fade in comparison. I’m an internet junkie, I sit at the computer all day if I am not asleep…sometimes I literally am just sitting…nothing to do, no one to talk to or even no interest in talking to anyone, just sitting. Here, I don’t miss the internet…yeah it would be nice to log on but being outside seems like a nicer thought…here I am not watching the world pass me by. At home I could go the whole weekend without so much as getting out of my pj’s, brushing my hair, or teeth, or even stepping out my door. No one would know I was there, I wouldn’t answer the phone if I didn’t feel like it and the only ones who would see me would be my family when they came in. This is the secret life I live at home, or rather the life I am not living. This is the secret life I don’t want any longer and I feel so upset sometime thinking that if I don’t make a change I will die in this life. I cried a couple weeks ago telling this to Bobby, I don’t think he realized how serious it was but it’s serious. This is why I so desperately need this change of scenery!!

May 6th, 2007

Wow, its been a whole month since I wrote anything. As usual we have spent every waking moment down on the farm trying to get it in shape. Almost all of those ugly cattails are gone now but the boat is still sticking its bow out of the water...waiting for a day when the ground finally dries out enough to try getting it out. Even though the boat is still there you can see a significant change, here is some before and after photos:

We have added fish to the pond twice now though in small amounts. Fortunately, with the days getting warmer the fish are starting to come out and we have seen so many fish and not just small fish either, we've seen 2ft. + sized largemouth bass and channel catfish. Even with the pond beginning to look good it seems there is still so much more to do with it. After cutting the cattails down the water is completely level with the ground and on the high side of the pond after it rained last night the water actually came up on the land but it is back down again today. It doesn't take long for cattails to grow again either as we have found out since they are about a foot or so tall again but at least they are green now and not that drab dead brown color. We are hoping in the next month or so to be able to line the pond with large gravel and nice pretty boulders, I think it will make the whole thing look much better plus will help keep the water from overflowing.

Sierra and I spent Friday night here but Bobby and Jeff went back home to Louisville to pick up some wood so they stayed the night. It was nice to spend some quality mother/daughter time together. Saturday, Bobby was driving down and happened to spy a turtle on the side of the road obviously in an attempt to commit suicide so he turned around and went back to get her. Yes, Bobby has been trained in turtle suiside intervention so he saved her right before a gruesome death. LOL He brought her home to me and I inspected her which is how I know it was a her and she actually looks great. She is about 7 or 8" in size and felt like she weighed about 3 or 4 pounds. So I took her down to the pond and released her on the island, it took some nudging but she finally jumped in the water. She played for quite awhile before disappearing to explore her new world but she seemed happy. This morning we were walking around the pond and spied her again, she stuck that head up as if to let us know she was ok. After that we discovered a baby turtle sitting on some pond scum in the deep end of the pond it was about the size of a quarter. Jeff had seen it last week but we just thought he was seeing things so we had to give it to him for actually being right for a change...hehe Of course since I love turtles anyway this just tickles me to death especially after not having my tortoises anymore. Both turtles we found are redeared sliders.

It is Sunday night here and things are winding down, the guys are trying to tear down the rest of the shed to put in the dumpster so I can call the city tomorrow and have it picked up. They will all be going home tonight but I am going to stay another night so that I can be here in the morning for the water company. We are finally going to get the water hooked up and God willing everything will work the way it is suppose will be nice to have a real bathroom that has a flushing toilet and a shower to be able to take a shower in. I will probably finish painting Sierra's room and do some other stuff to get this place looking better. We are looking forward to having our families down here for the first time next week end so we are really excited.


By Golly I had a dream and other things....

I swear the last couple of days I have been having dreams but they aren't really meaniful dreams just stupid stuff. The night before last I had a dream...don't laugh... I dreamed that this large like 6 ft. tall penis with legs was chasing me! Ok...laugh Of course someone would interpet this dream as being a fear of sex or penis' or something like that but I know it was just a silly dream cuz I have them all the time and after 40+ yrs. in life, 3 marriages, and several relationship penis' and sex isn't something I'm afraid of...LOL
Last night I had a dream that I well, I dunno either I was being chased or maybe it just appeared this way but anyway, I had this large big as me trying to meld with me. It was on my side trying to go in....hehe Of course this is all I remember of these dreams and as I said they are silly.

Well as far as other things....Jeff and Todd my stepsons just turned 18, and my ex mom in law who is like my mom just had a birthday too. I have been sick for over a month now with this darn infection and my poor lil girl(not really little) has been having troubles of her own. We are like two peas in a pod her and I and gosh I was hoping she wouldn't be sickly like me but it seems like she is and all things seem to be piling up on her. But, lemme just say that God is good and He has and will always take care of us. We can handle more than most because God has given us strength enough to go through the things we have. Last week she was diagnosed with Scoliosis and next week we have to go see a specialist. She's such a good girl she just takes all this stuff in stride and rarely complains.

I guess it just seems sometimes I write these things to myself but I hope that my kids will be able to look back on them and find some piece of info they may need in their lives one day. We should all remember to write things down for oour kids for when we are gone....your family history for things like sickness, diseases, and other problems, these are things your kids need to know and if you are gone they might not know write it down for your kids!!

Well, I need sleep now! Another day....


Girls only, boys not allowed!

Even as girls we are driven to stake our claim on our space albeit our room, our toys, our clothes, or our stuff. We proudly stand up and proclaim, "THIS IS MINE!"

We spent this weekend at our "farm" and took the kids along as well. Sierra had her cousin over and from that point on it was the girls against Jeffrey. They love to torture poor Jeffrey and truthfully I think he gets a kick out of the attention too. It didn't take long for the girls to decide that they needed a place to call their own where no boys were allowed. So they made up some signs and walked down to the pond and posted a sign right at the entrance of the bridge that crosses the pond that said,

"Girls Island
no boys allowed!
and that includes you too Jeff!"

Then they put a piece of wood laid it across the bridge beams right at the entrance to the island at the other side with another sign that said something similar in the middle.

I remember being single and loving my own space, my place where no one else could come in and mess with. I also remember being a newlywed and having to adjust to the invasion from man in my little world. Though truthfully it was more the other way around because I moved into his home and his space but still I struggled to keep my sense of space...through my things..etc..What an adjustment! While I love my husband dearly I love my space too, I love having something that is just mine that I don't have to share with anyone unless I choose. I wonder why we feel this need?

Having kids is another invasion of space...bathroom time is no longer a private meeting place between your butt and the toilet bowl. There is something about that door being closed and your child knowing you are on the other side and they can't see you. It also seems to be the time when your child realizes they have something so important to tell you that it cannot wait. And of course lets not for get the cat or dog that has to grace you with it's presence while you conteplate what food group you had that must be creating this awful smell.

I have to say though that having our own space is not restrictive to just girls, boys like to have their space too. For my stepson, Jeffrey, his space is any land his four wheeler can manage to cover as quickly as possible. For my husband it's a his big ole pole barn where he can tinker with his tools, cars, and woodworking stuff.

And finally for me I have found my space once again with this mini farm with it's 1920 house thats full of breezy spots where I'm sure any bug I am terrified of can find its way in and the peace and tranquility you just can't get in Louisville.

More to come....


So I'm offcially older than dirt!

Well, it's after midnight on February 20th so I guess this means it's officially my birthday. I'm 43 yrs. old today and I feel like I am 90 sometimes;)

Things are beginning to return to normal in this family. My sister, Gayle is back working though it is hard I hear... I need to call her.(I love you even when I don't call!) The kids seem to be doing well as does Sue and Stacy since Lucille's passing. My sister in law, Shautana has gone in for some testing. She has seizures and they are beginning testing on her to see if she can qualify for some surgery that is suppose to relieve her of her seizures. Please pray for her! (I'm keeping you in my prayers, Shautana and I love you!) My sister, Sheila and her husband, Michael celebrated 20 years of being together on Valentine's day.... It's a long time! They met on Valentine's Day. She called me this week.... she always calls us to check in she is much better about it than I am.(I love you too, Sis)

As far as the homefront nothing really exciting to report except it seems I have my days and nights confused. I've been on these daggone pain killers and antibotics now for almost a week and all I want to do is sleep. Of course this is my natural state but it sure seems more so than usual.

The reason I am on antibotics is like normal I'm having my monthly or bi-monthly *depending on my body* kidney infection. This one got me good I have to admit but hopefully we will know what the problem is before too long. I finally went to the kidney doctor who is in his words, "very worried" and wants to run all sorts of test which in my words, "will cost me a fortune" but hey, it is necessary. My beloved went in too so we are having "couples" testing next hmmmm.... the family that goes to the kidney doctor together, stays together? Is that how it works? Well for us it did(and will with the tests coming up) and of all things we did this on Valentine's day. Nothing more special than taking your sweetie to the kidney doctor for his first prostate exam on sweethearts day now is there? Let me tell ya, I wasn't feeling the love since he ran me out of the room when the doctor came in! Of course I'm sure he wasn't feeling the love either right at that moment. The things we must go through when we hit middle age....sigh....

Well, I did find out some interesting info recently.... I talked to my friend, Brian who I use to work with at Providian. He was on yahoo so I im'd him since I hadn't talked to him in so long. It was nice to chat with him and catch up on his life, he sounds like he is doing well and I am happy for him. He told me that my friend, Theresa, who is the sweet blonde girl that helped me at my wedding, left her husband and now lives in another state. I feel just horrible that I didn't know this first hand but of course I am not your "keep in touch" type of friend so I didn't know. He did tell me she was on so I am hoping to connect with her soon.

I'm just a terrible friend, I don't keep in contact with people well and ya know its all me and I just don't understand I use to make and keep friends easily. How do I get past this antisocial thing? I hate it, I hate being a social phobic! At Lucille's funeral I felt at home and like my old self again, Kathy, my best friend was there, and her hubby Bobby, and Connie and all these people who were my life...divorce kills relationships...not just the marriage relationship.... Anyway, it was wonderful being able to sit and talk with these people and laugh and have a good time, I just didn't want it to end. I have missed Kathy so much, we've been through a lifetime together but its been a lifetime ago. I really didn't mean to divorce my friends when I divorced my ex but then I married again and it was such a horrible marriage....I lost everybody then not just myself and I think I built this wall around me so nobody could ever get in...though Bobby did and I don't even know how honestly. Maybe where my friends were concerned, maybe I was embarrassed because I had made such a huge mistake when I remarried and I didn't want anyone to pity me, or worse yet blame me for the bad things that happened in that marriage...I guess I figured I had blamed myself enough for everyone and I couldn't handle any more post judgement. Of course that is a whole new story or even one I may have posted already I honestly cannot remember.

So how do I change? How do I turn everything around? How do I find a balance? How do I become a friend again and let others back in? Life is passing me by, this wonderful life that God has blessed me so with, how can I let it just pass me by or worse yet, how cant I stop sleeping through it? Will someone please tell me?


Stupid people in Dear Abby....

Sometimes things just hit me as funny and I have to share them, this is one of those times. The below story was taken from "Dear Abby" - I hope it's legal for me to do this and if not I guess I'll see ya'll again when I'm out of the joint...hehe

"DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My lover and I have been disagreeing lately and are considering couples counseling. However, he keeps insisting that we see the marriage counselor he and his wife are currently seeing.
I want to make this relationship work, but I think it's inappropriate to receive counseling from the same one that they are currently seeing. What do you think? -- NEEDS THERAPY IN TEAS

DEAR NEEDS THERAPY: I think you should definitely have some sessions with the therapist who is counseling your lover and his wife. They could prove enlightening. I'm willing to bet the farm that the same issues that have caused him to cheat on her are the ones at the root of your problems with him. And I'm not at all sure that "making this relationship work" would ultimately be in your best interests."

**I just have to wonder sometimes are people really this stupid or does Abby make this stuff up for entertainment? I think that what she finds "inappropriate" is the idea of going to her lover's and his wife's counselor....didn't she kinda miss something here, I mean isn't the relationship "inappropriate" on a whole? And what stupid woman in her right mind thinks she is going to "save" a relationship with a lover to begin with, I mean if he's going to counseling with his wife chances are he's going so he can save his marriage not end it. Come on girl, this isn't a "relationship" this is sex if you had plans for any more than that then next time consider dating someone who isn't already attached!


Another bittersweet time in our lives...

It's been a hectic few weeks here on the homefront...first Todd was in the hospital, then Lucille, my kids great-grandmother and someone I claim as my own grandmother went into the hospital, and then my sister Gayle went into the hospital. Two recovered and came home, one - Lucille lost her struggle on Feb. 6th she was 92 yrs. old.

For all of the sadnesses I'm sure if Lucille were watching she would be happy to see that we really did celebrate her life in the two days we spent in rememberance of her. Family and friends gathered who hadn't seen each other in years, we laughed together, we cried together, we felt sad, but then we felt happy that even in death someone had managed to figure out a way to bring so many people together.

Funerals though appear to stand for an end are more often a means of a new beginning. Wayward love ones come back to find that no matter what you did or who you were before or how much you've changed people still love you and need you....sometimes a person, like myself will realize that they need to let people in and allow others to share your life.

I haven't spent alot of time letting people share my life, this outgoing, life of the party girl somewhere along the way became an introvert, a shy person, someone who might turn the other way rather than risk seeing someone she knew who was heading our way. It's funny that it takes a funeral to find one's self again, even though I was sad and missing Lucille, I was so happy to be able to spend time with people who I had long ago left behind, people that didn't deserve to be left behind, people who helped make me who I was. I'm thankful that God gave me a gift in a time of sorrow, I'm thankful that Lucille allowed me to share in her day. She was a wonderful woman, full of life and I feel like she brought me up even though I was an adult when I met her because she has taught me so much in life. She lived a long life and through lots of hardship but she did it with a smile on her face, she has taught me that God has given us all a life for which we can be happy in no matter what bad things happen along the way. She was a good Christian woman and I have no doubt that she is walking with Jesus right now.



Do you ever get bored? Gosh I do, matter of fact its late and I should be in bed but I'm not cuz I'm bored. I'd like to be down on the farm but I'm not unfortunately. We went down there yesterday and dag gone it got stuck in the mud...haha I had to laugh though Bobby was fit to be tied. I know when he gets mad I should just keep my mouth shut but ya know I'm such an noticed those 3 letters "sti" it stands for "stinker"...hehe I'm a stinker and I sure do enjoy instigating things sometimes.
Life can be too serious and ya just have to let go and be a stinker once in awhile:p

You know how to really annoy someone? Log onto yahoo or aol and wait about 5 mins. and then log off again, then log back on, and then off again, they get so annoyed because your name keeps popping up. Or if ya wanna be mean, type a message to someone like you are talking about someone else and your talking about the person you actually send it too....then im them back and say "oops I sent the wrong message to you" ... hehe see I'm a stinker:)


Sometimes doing what is best isn't always the best feeling thing to do. Earlier this week we decided it would be best to sell our tortoises. I didn't want to sell them but with us gone to the farm and back I didn't feel it was right to keep upsetting their environment. I was sad yesterday after I shipped them off but today I'm downright heartsick. Sierra and I went to the store and we both felt sad when we were in the garden food section.

Even though I'm sad I do know they will be in great hands, I shipped to a friend I met on one of the turtle boards I am on and I know he really cares about the animals. He was excited to get them today too, tomorrow is his birthday so it was a nice present to himself. I hope that when we finally get moved down to the farm in a couple years I will be able to buy one of Rosie's babies from him and then we will be in a better place to care for them.

On the lighter side, we had an honest to goodness heavy snow hit us for about 20 mins. today. The flakes came down the size of quarters all in a frenzy only to melt when they hit the ground. I guess thats good for those of us who have to be out in it when it snows but for me, I'd love to have a good white covering knee deep for a couple days.

Well, I'm out...I guess I will go dream of snow. Tootaloo


This is such a cute video

I don't know if I can post this but I am going to try. This is a video I found on called, "do you speak cat?" This cat makes the funniest noises:)


Country New Year

Happy New Year! We spent our New Year in the country. This was our first weekend at the new house. After a week of running back and forth getting the electric set up it was finally done on Friday so Saturday bright and early we drove down to "the farm". One thing is for sure is we will need a car with better gas mileage, though I love my truck it will kill us in gas. Just this weekend I put 500+ mi. on it and at least $80 in the gas tank, I'm sure I did the same last week but for the life of me I cannot remember how many times I filled up.

We have alot of work ahead of us but we did manage to get a few things done. Bobby reconnected some wires the electrician forgot to do and went about fixing electrical outlets, prepping the heater, securing his pole barn while I worked on putting up curtains and arranging some of the little bit of furniture we have. Jeffrey and Sierra went with us but Sierra spent the weekend at her cousins which made her day. On New Years Eve we celebrated by sleeping...hehehe some partiers huh? Since we only have the hideabed right now we slept on it and Jeff made a pallet on the floor. With him on the floor I didn't want to sleep without a bra on but halfway through the night I gave in and took it off and stuck it under my pillow.
The next day I ask Bobby if children get money under their pillow when they loose a tooth and put it under their pillows at night; What did I get for putting my bra under my pillow at night? I laughed so hard just trying to ask him this I had tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard, they started laughing because I was laughing, finally after I got it out he said, "bigger boobs!" That's so typical of him to say that......haha I just said, "oh no, I'm fully loaded already, I don't need no more!" Of course someone had to make the snide remark about me being fully loaded after what I had for dinner....hehe they are so silly!

Well there was nothing really exciting to tell about being down on the farm although we did find something interesting. I was standing in the laundry room when I noticed this big round lump on one end of the room and I asked Bobby what it was, so he tapped on it and it sounded hollow sounding. So they pulled back the carpet to find what looked like a sewer cover, he opened it up and said that it was a well. This well was at least 5 feet deep, 7 ft. wide, and 12 ft. long!!! Of course that led to conversations all weekend on how we could hide each other in the well and no one would ever find us!! To think we love each other too....hehe we do, we just joke around about stuff like that. When they pulled back the carpet you could see the sides of the wall where they didn't cover it with anything and if you wanted to stick your hands or arms down in the wall you could reach the crawlspace underneath. This will definitely be a site of contention with me because I am sure every bug and animal will be crawling through that hole as soon as it warms up a bit. Why did I think I wanted an old farm house in the country for? What was I thinking????? Bobby already came in the house with a big red spider crawling on his back, I'd have had a heart attack if I had seen it! Whew!! Country fun! Well, I'm out! G'Nite