Surgery Cancelled and Rescheduled..

I had hoped the next time I wrote here to be home from surgery but it was rescheduled. I won't go into detail since nobody reads my blog but me and I already know what happened. It's been rescheduled for Tuesday, Dec. 18th.

So here I sit knowing I need to be in bed but not wanting to go because I need to catch up on so many things on this dern computer. I have noticed ever since I was in the hospital in August that I have been azmatic much more when before I let my inhalers expire unused for lack of need now I am using them all the time. It seems that life is going down hill for me....I truly believe that God used my illness when I was in the hospital in June to show me that I needed to act if I were going to live another year. Once I found out I could have the gastric bypass I have pushed and pushed my way through any obstical or staff member who tried to slow down my progress. It is like walking a tightrope knowing you could fall at anytime but yet you got your eye on the platform struggling ever so slowly hoping that the tightrope won't fail you now.

I'm about to step on the platform though I have to walk the most perilous part of the tightrope but lucky for me God has my back and I know that He will see me through this. God is so good, He brings me through so many dangers. I can just imagine my day in heaven when my life is playing before my eyes.....towards this end of my life I am sure there are many, many times the Lord is carrying me until I can stand on my own. Tuesday will be another day he carries me, safely tucked into His loving arms He will keep me safe as I take this step to better my health. I am so thankful and so Blessed. Thank you Jesus! Praise God!

Life happenings!

Wow I didn't realize it had been so long since I updated this blog with all the blogs I have it is so hard to keep up! Well I have finally done all the bells and whistles to get bariatric surgery and it's going to happen on Dec. 14th - 2 days from now!

I should be in bed but I am trying to get things all done for when I go to the hospital....its hard getting ready you just know your going to forget something! I went to the store today and spent $163.00 stocking up on things that would be easy for Bobby to fix while I am laid up. I also bought the kind of stuff I will be able to eat once I'm done. I'm finally just about done with Christmas shopping and I hope to wrap tomorrow sometime but I dunno if I will get it all done.

I have had emotional highs and lows as one can imagine. Last weekend Bobby spent the weekend alone at the farm and it was wonderful but as soon as we got on the road to come home my stomach was all in knots and I thought I might throw up. It's like a different world there. You know I am not afraid of dying its the people I leave behind that scares me so especially Sierra. She told me not so long ago that she'd just want to die if something happened to me. She is also going to be having spine surgery soon so I worry about not being there for her. But ya know God is good and He will provide, there are so many people praying for us!!

On the bright side, this surgery will be like a new birth for me, a chance to be able to spend more time doing stuff with my family, being there for John Daniel and Sierra since I didn't do a very good job of that while they were younger. And of course I need to be there for my grandbaby due in January. Well I guess that's it. I need to hit the hay. God Bless anyone who reads this.

My sad moments......

I was on you tube tonight looking at a video of a laproscopic gastric bypass. After I watched it I start looking at all of the other surgery type videos and came across this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmvJ4sFxz54&mode=related&search= don't click on that yet til you know what it is. This is a video of one girl's story about having spine surgery to correct scoliosis.

Sometimes I do think it's good to see what someone else has gone through before a person goes through the same thing themselves because it does prepare you. I cried watching this video because I know Sierra is going to have to go through this soon and its going to be so hard for her. I thought open heart surgery was bad but this is real bad, its not like open heart surgery where she went back to school in 6 wks. It's an entire lifestyle change, its something that just won't heal in a short amount of time it will take 6 to 8 mos. to heal. This girl in the story had surgery 4 mos. ago and is still out of school. My heart hurts for Sierra, I want to cry just thinking of the suffering she will have to go through. I also want to prepare her but yet I don't want to scare her.

I know that alot of non-believers would wonder why does she have to suffer so much and blame God. I don't understand why she has to suffer so much but I know it's not God's wishes for her to suffer, on the contrary God wants to show us a miracle and I know that He has showed us miracles over and over again in our lives. I am thankful for those miracles..... some people go through life in such a hurry or with such unbelief that they never see a miracle but if you slow down and take the time to look you will see miracles happening all around you. I do know that God will get us through this just like He always has but I also know it's alright to be afraid and sad because someone I love has to suffer through something like this.

Surgery day.....

Well I was rescheduled last Friday for my surgery on the anyeresum in the artery leading to my spleen. It was rescheduled for tomorrow - Thursday the 9th. I have to be at the hospital at 6am...boy I hate mornings! The good news is that maybe I will finally get a cortizone shot in my knee and be able to walk better and I will be able to sleep in a bed for a change! After my hospital stay last month I have been favoring my right leg and in the last week or two I have now damaged my knee. I have bad knees and ever so often I need a cortisone injection so the good news is I will probably get one in the hospital....yay!

Since I will be out of comission when Sierra starts school we went to walmart today to get school supplies and we got her hair cut at the hair salon in the store....We spent 5 hrs. in Walmart...5 hrs! Can you even imagine? I felt like I should have been paid I was there so long. Of course you think I'd have bought the store but I didn't we'll have to go back as soon as it gets cool and get clothes for winter....maybe by then I will have won the lottery and I can just have the store come to me instead like all the rich people do...hahaha

Its funny I don't have the foresight to be worried about this surgery I mean I just don't think of it as that serious but my family seems to think so. I realize that God is always with me and He is watching over me every second of every day and if its my time to go then only He knows. So in case God does call me home I love you all...my family and my friends and we'll party when ya'll get to heaven.

Oh and I have to use this blog as my confessional too..... I have to confess something really terrible I did. I use to work for Zayre's many, many years ago and back then whenever we had mismatched shoes in the shoe department we would just send them back and the shoe company would give us credit for it. Well fast forward to many years later and I have to admit I am a thief.... I bought some shoes in two different sizes but I only bought the one set and left the store with mismatched shoes!! Ok, so I still believed then that they truly turned them back in to get credit for them. So today I am in the store buying more shoes and this time I was buying two sets in two different sizes so I could make one set to fit my uneven feet and I ask the clerk if they sent their shoes back if someone bought a mismatched pair...she said, "no ma'am we don't, we consider that stealing!" Talk about feeling like a heal!(no pun intended) So I admit I stole something once and I'm very, very sorry....lol Now if I were Catholic and ya'll were priest I guess I'd be truly confessing but thank God, He is good and I don't have to ask anyone to forgive my sin but God....heck I didn't even have to tell anyone!

Well I am off to get ready for bed, 5am comes awful early....Please keep me in your prayers and I will be hollering at ya'll when I am feeling better!

Peace out!

Slow progress

I guess its been about 11 days now since my last day in the hospital and I am having slow progress. I went to see my doctor yesterday and I was worried because my leg looks so dark that I thought they may put me back in the hospital but he didn't. He said the dark place is where blood has pooled and it just gives it a dark look...Thank God! I thought I was getting gangrene or that my skin was dying.

I bought the compression stocking last week that he wants me to wear but when the lady put it on me I thought I was going to die it hurt so bad. I took it to the doctor so he could see it and he agreed that there is no way I can wear it right now with my leg infected the way it is so he used a special gauze called an unna bandage that is soaked in Calamine and wrapped my leg....it was really painful at first but I am beginning to adjust with it as long as I take my Lortabs that is! I can actually walk better with the bandage and the feeling of pushing my leg through a box of needles when I first put in down is gone with it on.

I was really sick when I was in the hospital... I mean that night I went to the emergency room I literally felt like I was dying. The first 5 days they wouldn't even let me eat so I lost 10 lbs. which is awesome and now that I am out I find that my stomach has shrunk and I cannot eat as much...I also have the desire to stop eating before I get full now so that I won't get reflux and cokes taste horrible now. I also realize that if I want to live my life I need to make some changes so that my health will improve. My weight is a big problem and it causes so many problems with my health so this has got to change.

Over the next several months I see alot of things happening...In early August I go to see my Infectious Disease doctor and hopefully he will be able to help me know how to keep my cellulitis and my ezcema under control. The next week after that I see the surgeon who will take care of the Anyeresum that is leading to my spleen....this is something that has to be taken care of because it is life threatening so I'm sure he will schedule some procedure relatively quickly. I also will be needing to have I guess a hysterectomy because I have a cyst on my ovary and in my uterus. I also know that once I am well that my doctor will want me to schedule to have either Lap Band surgery or a Gastric Bypass because with my illnesses I cannot loose the weight on my own. I guess the one thing I have learned is that if I had taken better care of my body I would not be in the shape that I am in.

God is so good because there was so much wrong with me when I went to the hospital and had that not happened I'd never known....God has His ways of showing us things and I am so lucky that He chose to show me how to get help.

By Golly I had a dream and other things....

I swear the last couple of days I have been having dreams but they aren't really meaniful dreams just stupid stuff. The night before last I had a dream...don't laugh... I dreamed that this large like 6 ft. tall penis with legs was chasing me! Ok...laugh Of course someone would interpet this dream as being a fear of sex or penis' or something like that but I know it was just a silly dream cuz I have them all the time and after 40+ yrs. in life, 3 marriages, and several relationship penis' and sex isn't something I'm afraid of...LOL
Last night I had a dream that I well, I dunno either I was being chased or maybe it just appeared this way but anyway, I had this large heart...big...big...as big as me trying to meld with me. It was on my side trying to go in....hehe Of course this is all I remember of these dreams and as I said they are silly.

Well as far as other things....Jeff and Todd my stepsons just turned 18, and my ex mom in law who is like my mom just had a birthday too. I have been sick for over a month now with this darn infection and my poor lil girl(not really little) has been having troubles of her own. We are like two peas in a pod her and I and gosh I was hoping she wouldn't be sickly like me but it seems like she is and all things seem to be piling up on her. But, lemme just say that God is good and He has and will always take care of us. We can handle more than most because God has given us strength enough to go through the things we have. Last week she was diagnosed with Scoliosis and next week we have to go see a specialist. She's such a good girl she just takes all this stuff in stride and rarely complains.

I guess it just seems sometimes I write these things to myself but I hope that my kids will be able to look back on them and find some piece of info they may need in their lives one day. We should all remember to write things down for oour kids for when we are gone....your family history for things like sickness, diseases, and other problems, these are things your kids need to know and if you are gone they might not know this.....so write it down for your kids!!

Well, I need sleep now! Another day....

Sometimes doing what is best isn't always the best feeling thing to do. Earlier this week we decided it would be best to sell our tortoises. I didn't want to sell them but with us gone to the farm and back I didn't feel it was right to keep upsetting their environment. I was sad yesterday after I shipped them off but today I'm downright heartsick. Sierra and I went to the store and we both felt sad when we were in the garden food section.

Even though I'm sad I do know they will be in great hands, I shipped to a friend I met on one of the turtle boards I am on and I know he really cares about the animals. He was excited to get them today too, tomorrow is his birthday so it was a nice present to himself. I hope that when we finally get moved down to the farm in a couple years I will be able to buy one of Rosie's babies from him and then we will be in a better place to care for them.

On the lighter side, we had an honest to goodness heavy snow hit us for about 20 mins. today. The flakes came down the size of quarters all in a frenzy only to melt when they hit the ground. I guess thats good for those of us who have to be out in it when it snows but for me, I'd love to have a good white covering knee deep for a couple days.

Well, I'm out...I guess I will go dream of snow. Tootaloo

Dear Diary.................

Wow, it's almost been a month since I wrote here. I had a dream the other night but gosh I can't remember it. I know it was about Sierra my daughter and I remember thinking later that it was a dream about her growing up and my inability to control that. I think it's really important to pay attention to your dreams, your dreams are the way you deal with things, things that you are not ready to accept. It's our subconcious trying to prepare our conciousness of change.

Speaking of change boy has it been busy the last few weeks....Sierra had been having more seizures so I took her to her seizure doctor who said it was because she was changing....my child is becoming a teen. We also had dental appointments and eye appointments to go to also. Jeff had a dental appointment and we are hoping this will be his last visit adjusting his braces, the dentist said he may get his braces off in 3 wks....Yippee.

More changes to come..... We found another house we want to buy and we bid on it and got it so now we are waiting to close, we should close on it within the next 10 days....Yippee again! We are so excited about this property it's just under 3 acres, still not the size we desire but this will be a nice getaway home until we decide if this is the one we want to move to. It has so much potential and we fall in love with it each time we drive down there but then we drive back and we realize how far away we are from Louisville. Now don't get me wrong we want out of Louisville but we are not sure if we want this far out.....we are considering making this a rental property, there are 3 other properties in the area I would love to buy for rental properties but it's a big undertaking. It's such a good time to invest in property though and then you have an income stream and that changes your whole perspective of where you can live... and whether you work a job aside from your rental business.

So much to learn.....so much to do!!! Sigh....such is life but I am thankful to God for allowing us this opportunity.

More later!