Life happenings.........

It's terrible to say but I just haven't been updating lately....we have been spending so much time at the farm that I just haven't logged on and posted my blogs. I have wrote them and they have been stored on my laptop but only now have I been able to update it and put it on my main computer so here goes.

April 1st 2007

Today is April Fool’s Day but I feel anything but foolish. Another weekend spent on the farm, each day bringing us closer to a decision to move for good. We feel such peacefulness here, even working on the place doesn’t bring us down but it brings us happiness knowing we are doing something that we’ve longed to do for so long. It’s exciting to walk the property everyday and find another new plant, flower, or tree we hadn’t seen before. Spring is causing everything to bloom and each day there is a new color blooming on our horizon.

Yesterday we went over to Shelbyville and bought some White Grass Carp, Catfish, and Bluegill to put in the pond. Fisheries usually go around to different places once a month offering their fish for sale. This one in particular was pretty cheap compared to the others so we decide to buy from him. It was a long drive back though and hardly any of the bluegill lived. Bobby released all of them into the pond and they headed off for deeper waters. I guess we will do this again next month in an effort to get this pond stocked. Last weekend I was down at the pond and seen several fish so I know that we do have some in there already. We also have frogs but I haven’t seen any turtles yet guess I will have to go adopt a couple and put them in the pond.

One of our neighbors came by yesterday and tried to pull the ugly boat out of the pond. Oh have I mentioned the ugly boat we had in there before? The people who owned this place before us basically polluted the pond because there is so much crap in it. We are slowly pulling things out, cutting down cattails, and just cleaning it up but it’s one heck of a job! The ugly boat is sticking out on one end of the pond, it looks like its about an 18 footer or so. I wouldn’t have figured it to be that big until he started pulling it out but every time he’d pull it out he’d get stuck and it would go back in. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out there is a motor on the other end causing it to be so heavy. There are cattails inside the boat and a whole bunch of metal, maybe they didn’t intend for the boat to come out…I guess some people might find it neat for decoration….lol but I am not one of them. The people also had a deck on one end and some pool steps so I guess they swam in this pond but again I am not one of them who would ever swim in this water or any pond water for that matter!! I remember when I was a little girl I went camping with my best friend, Tina up to Butler State Park. They had a big lake there and had part of it partitioned off so you could swim. Well, I decided to go for a swim with Tina and started itching all over so I came back out of the water…I was covered in hives…so that pretty much ended my lake and pond swimming days!

It has rained both nights we have been here but when we get up in the morning the sun is shining so brightly…I wouldn’t have known it even rained had it not been for Bobby telling me. It’s funny how soundly I sleep her but yet at home I am up all hours of the night. I also sleep plenty of the day away at home but here, I find I am not depressed and I want to be up and enjoying the sun. Last weekend on our trip back home we seen a two seat swing that someone was throwing out for trash other than it being a little worn and the top cover ripped there was nothing wrong with it. So Bobby took the top off and put it on the trailer to bring back down here this weekend which he did. I had him sit it right out in the back not too far from the pond and I’ve already been out there enjoying the sun twice this weekend…even being sick with this cold I have hasn’t depressed me so to keep me from enjoying the beauty of the land.

It’s funny to think a change of scenery can change your whole way of life, how you feel and what you want out of that life. When you find you are at peace the things that seemed so important to you somehow fade in comparison. I’m an internet junkie, I sit at the computer all day if I am not asleep…sometimes I literally am just sitting…nothing to do, no one to talk to or even no interest in talking to anyone, just sitting. Here, I don’t miss the internet…yeah it would be nice to log on but being outside seems like a nicer thought…here I am not watching the world pass me by. At home I could go the whole weekend without so much as getting out of my pj’s, brushing my hair, or teeth, or even stepping out my door. No one would know I was there, I wouldn’t answer the phone if I didn’t feel like it and the only ones who would see me would be my family when they came in. This is the secret life I live at home, or rather the life I am not living. This is the secret life I don’t want any longer and I feel so upset sometime thinking that if I don’t make a change I will die in this life. I cried a couple weeks ago telling this to Bobby, I don’t think he realized how serious it was but it’s serious. This is why I so desperately need this change of scenery!!

May 6th, 2007

Wow, its been a whole month since I wrote anything. As usual we have spent every waking moment down on the farm trying to get it in shape. Almost all of those ugly cattails are gone now but the boat is still sticking its bow out of the water...waiting for a day when the ground finally dries out enough to try getting it out. Even though the boat is still there you can see a significant change, here is some before and after photos:


We have added fish to the pond twice now though in small amounts. Fortunately, with the days getting warmer the fish are starting to come out and we have seen so many fish and not just small fish either, we've seen 2ft. + sized largemouth bass and channel catfish. Even with the pond beginning to look good it seems there is still so much more to do with it. After cutting the cattails down the water is completely level with the ground and on the high side of the pond after it rained last night the water actually came up on the land but it is back down again today. It doesn't take long for cattails to grow again either as we have found out since they are about a foot or so tall again but at least they are green now and not that drab dead brown color. We are hoping in the next month or so to be able to line the pond with large gravel and nice pretty boulders, I think it will make the whole thing look much better plus will help keep the water from overflowing.

Sierra and I spent Friday night here but Bobby and Jeff went back home to Louisville to pick up some wood so they stayed the night. It was nice to spend some quality mother/daughter time together. Saturday, Bobby was driving down and happened to spy a turtle on the side of the road obviously in an attempt to commit suicide so he turned around and went back to get her. Yes, Bobby has been trained in turtle suiside intervention so he saved her right before a gruesome death. LOL He brought her home to me and I inspected her which is how I know it was a her and she actually looks great. She is about 7 or 8" in size and felt like she weighed about 3 or 4 pounds. So I took her down to the pond and released her on the island, it took some nudging but she finally jumped in the water. She played for quite awhile before disappearing to explore her new world but she seemed happy. This morning we were walking around the pond and spied her again, she stuck that head up as if to let us know she was ok. After that we discovered a baby turtle sitting on some pond scum in the deep end of the pond it was about the size of a quarter. Jeff had seen it last week but we just thought he was seeing things so we had to give it to him for actually being right for a change...hehe Of course since I love turtles anyway this just tickles me to death especially after not having my tortoises anymore. Both turtles we found are redeared sliders.

It is Sunday night here and things are winding down, the guys are trying to tear down the rest of the shed to put in the dumpster so I can call the city tomorrow and have it picked up. They will all be going home tonight but I am going to stay another night so that I can be here in the morning for the water company. We are finally going to get the water hooked up and God willing everything will work the way it is suppose too....it will be nice to have a real bathroom that has a flushing toilet and a shower to be able to take a shower in. I will probably finish painting Sierra's room and do some other stuff to get this place looking better. We are looking forward to having our families down here for the first time next week end so we are really excited.

By Golly I had a dream and other things....

I swear the last couple of days I have been having dreams but they aren't really meaniful dreams just stupid stuff. The night before last I had a dream...don't laugh... I dreamed that this large like 6 ft. tall penis with legs was chasing me! Ok...laugh Of course someone would interpet this dream as being a fear of sex or penis' or something like that but I know it was just a silly dream cuz I have them all the time and after 40+ yrs. in life, 3 marriages, and several relationship penis' and sex isn't something I'm afraid of...LOL
Last night I had a dream that I well, I dunno either I was being chased or maybe it just appeared this way but anyway, I had this large heart...big...big...as big as me trying to meld with me. It was on my side trying to go in....hehe Of course this is all I remember of these dreams and as I said they are silly.

Well as far as other things....Jeff and Todd my stepsons just turned 18, and my ex mom in law who is like my mom just had a birthday too. I have been sick for over a month now with this darn infection and my poor lil girl(not really little) has been having troubles of her own. We are like two peas in a pod her and I and gosh I was hoping she wouldn't be sickly like me but it seems like she is and all things seem to be piling up on her. But, lemme just say that God is good and He has and will always take care of us. We can handle more than most because God has given us strength enough to go through the things we have. Last week she was diagnosed with Scoliosis and next week we have to go see a specialist. She's such a good girl she just takes all this stuff in stride and rarely complains.

I guess it just seems sometimes I write these things to myself but I hope that my kids will be able to look back on them and find some piece of info they may need in their lives one day. We should all remember to write things down for oour kids for when we are gone....your family history for things like sickness, diseases, and other problems, these are things your kids need to know and if you are gone they might not know this.....so write it down for your kids!!

Well, I need sleep now! Another day....

Girls only, boys not allowed!

Even as girls we are driven to stake our claim on our space albeit our room, our toys, our clothes, or our stuff. We proudly stand up and proclaim, "THIS IS MINE!"

We spent this weekend at our "farm" and took the kids along as well. Sierra had her cousin over and from that point on it was the girls against Jeffrey. They love to torture poor Jeffrey and truthfully I think he gets a kick out of the attention too. It didn't take long for the girls to decide that they needed a place to call their own where no boys were allowed. So they made up some signs and walked down to the pond and posted a sign right at the entrance of the bridge that crosses the pond that said,

"Girls Island
no boys allowed!
and that includes you too Jeff!"

Then they put a piece of wood laid it across the bridge beams right at the entrance to the island at the other side with another sign that said something similar in the middle.


I remember being single and loving my own space, my place where no one else could come in and mess with. I also remember being a newlywed and having to adjust to the invasion from man in my little world. Though truthfully it was more the other way around because I moved into his home and his space but still I struggled to keep my sense of space...through my things..etc..What an adjustment! While I love my husband dearly I love my space too, I love having something that is just mine that I don't have to share with anyone unless I choose. I wonder why we feel this need?

Having kids is another invasion of space...bathroom time is no longer a private meeting place between your butt and the toilet bowl. There is something about that door being closed and your child knowing you are on the other side and they can't see you. It also seems to be the time when your child realizes they have something so important to tell you that it cannot wait. And of course lets not for get the cat or dog that has to grace you with it's presence while you conteplate what food group you had that must be creating this awful smell.

I have to say though that having our own space is not restrictive to just girls, boys like to have their space too. For my stepson, Jeffrey, his space is any land his four wheeler can manage to cover as quickly as possible. For my husband it's a his big ole pole barn where he can tinker with his tools, cars, and woodworking stuff.

And finally for me I have found my space once again with this mini farm with it's 1920 house thats full of breezy spots where I'm sure any bug I am terrified of can find its way in and the peace and tranquility you just can't get in Louisville.

More to come....

So I'm offcially older than dirt!

Well, it's after midnight on February 20th so I guess this means it's officially my birthday. I'm 43 yrs. old today and I feel like I am 90 sometimes;)

Things are beginning to return to normal in this family. My sister, Gayle is back working though it is hard I hear... I need to call her.(I love you even when I don't call!) The kids seem to be doing well as does Sue and Stacy since Lucille's passing. My sister in law, Shautana has gone in for some testing. She has seizures and they are beginning testing on her to see if she can qualify for some surgery that is suppose to relieve her of her seizures. Please pray for her! (I'm keeping you in my prayers, Shautana and I love you!) My sister, Sheila and her husband, Michael celebrated 20 years of being together on Valentine's day.... It's a long time! They met on Valentine's Day. She called me this week.... she always calls us to check in she is much better about it than I am.(I love you too, Sis)

As far as the homefront nothing really exciting to report except it seems I have my days and nights confused. I've been on these daggone pain killers and antibotics now for almost a week and all I want to do is sleep. Of course this is my natural state but it sure seems more so than usual.

The reason I am on antibotics is like normal I'm having my monthly or bi-monthly *depending on my body* kidney infection. This one got me good I have to admit but hopefully we will know what the problem is before too long. I finally went to the kidney doctor who is in his words, "very worried" and wants to run all sorts of test which in my words, "will cost me a fortune" but hey, it is necessary. My beloved went in too so we are having "couples" testing next month...lol hmmmm.... the family that goes to the kidney doctor together, stays together? Is that how it works? Well for us it did(and will with the tests coming up) and of all things we did this on Valentine's day. Nothing more special than taking your sweetie to the kidney doctor for his first prostate exam on sweethearts day now is there? ....lol Let me tell ya, I wasn't feeling the love since he ran me out of the room when the doctor came in! Of course I'm sure he wasn't feeling the love either right at that moment. The things we must go through when we hit middle age....sigh....

Well, I did find out some interesting info recently.... I talked to my friend, Brian who I use to work with at Providian. He was on yahoo so I im'd him since I hadn't talked to him in so long. It was nice to chat with him and catch up on his life, he sounds like he is doing well and I am happy for him. He told me that my friend, Theresa, who is the sweet blonde girl that helped me at my wedding, left her husband and now lives in another state. I feel just horrible that I didn't know this first hand but of course I am not your "keep in touch" type of friend so I didn't know. He did tell me she was on myspace.com so I am hoping to connect with her soon.

I'm just a terrible friend, I don't keep in contact with people well and ya know its all me and I just don't understand I use to make and keep friends easily. How do I get past this antisocial thing? I hate it, I hate being a social phobic! At Lucille's funeral I felt at home and like my old self again, Kathy, my best friend was there, and her hubby Bobby, and Connie and all these people who were my life...divorce kills relationships...not just the marriage relationship.... Anyway, it was wonderful being able to sit and talk with these people and laugh and have a good time, I just didn't want it to end. I have missed Kathy so much, we've been through a lifetime together but its been a lifetime ago. I really didn't mean to divorce my friends when I divorced my ex but then I married again and it was such a horrible marriage....I lost everybody then not just myself and I think I built this wall around me so nobody could ever get in...though Bobby did and I don't even know how honestly. Maybe where my friends were concerned, maybe I was embarrassed because I had made such a huge mistake when I remarried and I didn't want anyone to pity me, or worse yet blame me for the bad things that happened in that marriage...I guess I figured I had blamed myself enough for everyone and I couldn't handle any more post judgement. Of course that is a whole new story or even one I may have posted already I honestly cannot remember.

So how do I change? How do I turn everything around? How do I find a balance? How do I become a friend again and let others back in? Life is passing me by, this wonderful life that God has blessed me so with, how can I let it just pass me by or worse yet, how cant I stop sleeping through it? Will someone please tell me?

Stupid people in Dear Abby....

Sometimes things just hit me as funny and I have to share them, this is one of those times. The below story was taken from "Dear Abby" - I hope it's legal for me to do this and if not I guess I'll see ya'll again when I'm out of the joint...hehe

"DEAR ABBY: Please help me. My lover and I have been disagreeing lately and are considering couples counseling. However, he keeps insisting that we see the marriage counselor he and his wife are currently seeing.
I want to make this relationship work, but I think it's inappropriate to receive counseling from the same one that they are currently seeing. What do you think? -- NEEDS THERAPY IN TEAS

DEAR NEEDS THERAPY: I think you should definitely have some sessions with the therapist who is counseling your lover and his wife. They could prove enlightening. I'm willing to bet the farm that the same issues that have caused him to cheat on her are the ones at the root of your problems with him. And I'm not at all sure that "making this relationship work" would ultimately be in your best interests."

**I just have to wonder sometimes are people really this stupid or does Abby make this stuff up for entertainment? I think that what she finds "inappropriate" is the idea of going to her lover's and his wife's counselor....didn't she kinda miss something here, I mean isn't the relationship "inappropriate" on a whole? And what stupid woman in her right mind thinks she is going to "save" a relationship with a lover to begin with, I mean if he's going to counseling with his wife chances are he's going so he can save his marriage not end it. Come on girl, this isn't a "relationship" this is sex if you had plans for any more than that then next time consider dating someone who isn't already attached!