A bittersweet day.....

Yesterday was a bittersweet day for me. My sister called and said she has a growth on her kidney(the bitter part) and theres a possibility of cancer. I try to be positive, after all this woman has been through so much and she comes through even stronger. I can think of different things in her life that has started out bad and ended up not being as bad as things seemed. She is a strong person and I love her so much. I always think how much I want her to find someone to love her and to take care of her, how I don't want to see her alone. I caught myself saying this to my husband yesterday when I realize and say that she does have someone to take care of her and who loves her more than anyone else possibly could and that person is God.
No one could ask for a better knight in shining armor I mean there is no greater than He. Then I tell my husband this as well and he agrees. He doesn't share my faith as strongly as I do but he is learning and sometimes I forget that it takes my simple way of saying something good about God that witnesses to him.

I pray that my sister will be fine, I believe that God will heal her and take care of her and as for my part I will pray and I will be strong for her. I was reading a devotional today and it had this scripture in it.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God." (Phil. 4:6)

How many times throughout my life does this scripture present itself to me and I realize that hardship is there so that we will pray and through prayer we will draw closer to God. Please keep my sister in your prayers if you are reading this.

After I spoke with my sister I had to get ready to go to the closing on our second home and finally it has closed! Yay!!(the sweet part) I thought this would never get done but finally it is ours. I've thought of what I would do the next day after it closes for a month now. I thought I'd get up early and go clean the house all up and get it ready for our visits. Well, it didn't happen today, I woke up at 8 am but have been miserable all day. Jeff has a virus and I guess I have gotten it too because I am sick now, runny nose, sneezing, coughing, and other things. Of course this is of no surprise to me since I always catch everything, the wind blows past someone whose a mile up wind of me and by the time the breeze hits me I'm sick....hahaha Seriously though its because of my gout I get sick so easy. I am taking the Allupurinol for gout but for me it causes celulitus which I got this weekend doing our Christmas shopping...ugh....nasty looking stuff. On the good side though, Christmas shopping is almost done, just a few gift cards now and all we have to do is wrap or bag which is the lazy man's way of wrapping....my preferred method as well...hehe

December Already........

It's hard to believe it is already December.... Almost one month since we found our "house" and we're still waiting. The waiting is the hard part, I thought we were going to close today but things didn't work out that way. Hopefully Monday or Tuesday and we'll finally have the keys. I don't think Bobby understands the importance of this property to me. He had his house 10 yrs. before I moved in and in my eyes it will always be his house but this new place will be ours...mine, something that was never shared with a previous wife, something we worked for together.

Yesterday it was 69 degrees and tonight it is in the 30' or 40's, I seen snowflakes for a minute or two. My tortoises seem to be trying to hibernate in some sense, neither wants to eat much, while Speedy not at all and Rosie just half what she normally does. Both seem to want to burrow down in the dirt. I can relate to this, I went to the store today and thought I'd just die cuz it was so cold, my bones don't do cold very well.

sigh..... my fingers hurt, the medicine is starting to help but my fingers still ache....I'm going to have those permanent typist hands you know where they are all bent, noticed my first spur or bump or deformity from my gout on my finger recently, I can't straighten that finger no more at all.... guess I'll go to bed.

The cure?

Why is it sometimes "the cure" is worse than the actual problem? I'm frustrated today or actually tonight now. "The cure" I am talking about is Lasix and Allupurinol. The doctor gave me Lasix about a year or two ago to help bring my blood pressure down which it does a real good job at but I have Gout. Lasix can lead to Gout which is a Rhuematic Arthuritis that affects the joints, a long time ago I took Lasix and another doctor took me off of it because of the increased uric acid in my system. That doctor put me on Allupurinol which is to keep uric acid from forming in your body. The allupurinol was like a Godsend, it took my pain away and gave me my life back. Then I went back on the Lasix and everything has seemed to change. Now I can't take the Allupurinol because it causes severe Cellulitis which is an infection of the skin. So I stopped taking it.

Now I'm suffering so bad I don't even want anyone to touch me. Of course if that isn't enough the lack of Allupurinol in my system has caused me kidney stones from the uric acid that is now in my kidneys, it seems like it's a never ending battle. I didn't want to get out of bed today but staying in bed only hurts me because it hurts when the bed touches my body. I feel like my kidney is going to explode on top of that. Yet, I'm sitting here typing on the computer and complaining....LOL I'm a mess. Ya know, I know I can do this though because nobody ever reads my blog.....hehe I could say terrible, horrible things about anybody and they'd never know because only I read it.

Oh back about "the cure", I finally broke down and took my allupurinol tonight because I'd rather suffer with cellulitis then to hurt the way I do right now. It worries me this pain, my kidney has actually drawn my attention away from my aching body now and I just want it to go away.....this can lead to kidney failure I'm told and I worry. I don't voice my opinion because everyone would just call me a hypochondriac or get aggravated because I am complaining. Oh please God, take this pain from me, even just the kidney pain because the fear of kidney failure scares me so much. God is so very good, He is a rescuer in my time of trouble, He gives me peace.......If someone does read this know that no matter how bad it is God can help you through....He's been there with me through so much and I've survived. Well, writing about my pain doesn't take it away so I guess I should find something else to do to make me forget.
Happy thanksgiving!

Remembering how lucky we are........

Sometimes I forget how lucky we are but then something reminds me and I know how blessed we are. It's been 2 yrs. since Sierra had open heart surgery and she is doing great! Her recent visit to her cardiologist showed she is doing very well and there has been no change thank God!

I am blessed to have wonderful, talented children.....While Sierra is just starting out to be an artist, her brother John Daniel is so talented! Here's one of his drawings:
He's gotten even better since I scanned this picture and I know he will continue to get better and better. I look forward to the day when I see his work published in books or used in tv. Jeffrey and Todd while not my own are such good boys! Jeff is always eager to help out his dad and will always do anything for me without the slightest complaints and he's good with his hands too.

I am also blessed because Mary is doing well after having the aneuriusm removed not but a couple months before Sierra's surgery... and she still has not picked smoking back up!

Of course I am always blessed with the wonderful family I have been blessed with those related and those extended!

There's a reason they call them "ex's"

I was cursed to see my ex today and this time I had my daughter with me. It's amazing how things work out but first alittle background info.

I have a tendency to want to know what area of town he lives in so that I make sure we steer way clear of him....Well, understandably this doesn't sit well with Bobby because he'd rather I not even have that much of a connection with him. So I have not "looked" for him so to speak to see what area he is in.
Well by chance a couple weeks ago we bought something from a fellow cheapcycler and as it turned out it was also a mutual aquaintance of ours and his. Well they told me what area of town that he was living in and of course it happens to be the same area I live in so I was truly upset by this. My first thought was for the safety of my daughter and how I really needed to know where he lived at now but then it occured to me that through no involvement of my own GOD used someone to tell me that I need to be on my guard.

God truly does watch out for us....... So anyway back to how amazing things turn out..... I went to pick up my daughter from her grandma's today and then went to stop by the store. Well, I had some mail I needed to get filled out before I went in so I could put it in the box so I sat there and filled it out. When I got done I opened my door to get out when I noticed Sierra was still seatbelted and playing her game so I turned to look at her and tell her to come on. Well right out of the corner of my eye I noticed this couple walking towards the store and it turned out to be my ex. I told Sierra nevermind and I got back in the car and we drove away and the whole way I was thanking God for warning me.
Had I not stopped to fill out my envelope we would have been in the store and probably would have come face to face with him, this terrible guy who abused my daughter. She has not seen him in 8 yrs. and though she has become well adjusted she still has nightmares about him and one day when she gets old enough she plans to have him prosecuted. So here was another event where we were supernaturally warned and protected by God. I am so thankful! As I said it just goes to show that God will take care of us if we allow him (even if we don't really) with no involvement from us whatsoever.

I so look forward to when we move down to our property we are buying so that I don't even have to worry about being in the same town as him! It's not that I am frightened by him or worry that he will hurt us, truthfully a man such as him well, he really isn't a man to be honest but a person such as him once he has left his mark on your life what you want is to totally be free from any contact even if it's just seeing his face in passing. I would honestly like to erase him from my memory and my life but you know Sierra tells me that even though it was a bad time for her, us that she wouldn't change anything because had we not been at that place in that time, we may not have met Bobby in the place and time we did and we would not be so blessed to have him, Jeff, and Todd in our lives. She is such a unique and understanding person, she has such a way about her. She finds the good in everything! Thank God!

As far as my ex, they say time heals all wounds....I remember when I seen him a year or so after we split up and I thought to myself, "gee, he isn't as good looking as I thought he was", well this time when I seen him I just looked at him and thought how small he looked as if he had shrunk in my mind. I remember when we first split up before I knew what he did to my daughter that I thought I just couldn't live a day without him. And even years later, I still felt saddened by this terrible thing that happened in our lives when I thought it was going to be all perfect. The truth is, you really do heal, granted it takes some time and honestly we have to learn to let go of that hurt, let go of what might have been and see what is the truth even though we may not want to see it.... We have to learn to change our perspective because it is all within us to do so and if we would learn that we cannot change or heal anyone and see a person for what they are we would all end up in a lot less of a mess then we find ourselves in. The only person you can change is yourself and the only way of changing others is through first pray and second by example. When we become good examples others genuinely want to change to be like us.

What a challenge but please make your example Christlike because if you model yourself after anyone else you set yourself up for failure.

Peace out!